The Allures of Thailand
My Australian roomy has gone home to Perth for a visit. On the way back to the States, he is stopping in Thailand, which is my dream destination. He will be spending a week in Phuket. Here are some of the things I would love to see in this fascinating country.
First of all, Thai food is one of my absolute favorites. Chicken satay with peanut sauce, pineapple chicken fried rice, green curry with chicken, coconut milk, bamboo and peppers, spring and summer rolls, it's all damn good.
Phuket received international attention when the 2004 tsunami hit Indonesia, India, Sri Lanka and Thailand and left thousands of residents and tourists dead, injured, missing and homeless. Since then it has been restored and is still trying to boost tourism as that is the main area of business for the island.
It's gorgeous, affordable and a little more exotic for people that generally go to Mexico, Hawaii or the Caribbean for their beach getaways. The nearby beaches of Phi Phi and The Similian Islands are also a draw. There have been several location shoots for these beaches including Bridget Jones and The Edge of Reason, The Beach, Good Morning Vietnam and for all you nerds out there, Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith.
The capital of Thailand is Bangkok. It is quite the thriving city and you can stay at the Four Seasons Hotel for about $200.
Now, to talk to women that have been to Bangkok and then talk to men who have been to Bangkok, you are gonna get 2 versions of what sounds like 2 totally separate planets, when in fact, they were both in Bangkok at the same time.
Women talk about the ancient temples and unbelievably cheap markets. They talk about the colorful silks and handicrafts and how cheap they bought that gold ring for.
Men talk about the sex trade. For $5 you can get a great massage with a Happy Ending. Their Red Light District is uninhibited and unconventional. I had the unforgettable experience of listening to 3 men talk about their separate visits to Bangkok and I went through several emotions while doing so.
First of all, I hate to hear that my guy friends have had hookers. Not only did they have hookers, but they think they are cool because they have done so. Fine, whatever.
Apparently they all went to the same night club, The Soi Cowboy (everybody just fuckin loves cowboys). There is talent in many forms here. Their favorite was one lady that was able to stick golf balls up her Hoo Hoo and shoot them across the room. For some reason I immediately felt inadequate after hearing this. And then I thought (in a Thai accent), “Ricki, why do you feel inadequate? You may be able to do such a thing, but you have never tried.” True, I have never tried. Then I thought about all the scenarios of such a fete: If I could do this, and do it well, then what would happen if I was showing off and I hit my lover in the head with a flying golf ball straight out of my Hoo Hoo and it killed him? Then I would have to go to court and explain myself and you can bet your sweet ass everybody in the country would know and nobody would talk about it more than the people from my small town. I have a HS reunion coming up, people. More than likely, I would try and have to get the golf balls surgically removed and not be able to use my Hoo Hoo for a limited time.
Then I thought, who wants to see chicks do stuff with their Hoo Hoos, golf balls and eels and various other natural and synthetic materials? Well, I kind of do, honestly, although, I am sure I would be scarred for life. I mean sure, as odd as this is, let’s ask ourselves an important question: Is what they are doing in any way remotely sexy? Hell no. And Men, would you dare put your Pee Pee anywhere near a Hoo Hoo that has just done all that stuff? Just for the record, if so, you are not getting anywhere near mine.
First of all, Thai food is one of my absolute favorites. Chicken satay with peanut sauce, pineapple chicken fried rice, green curry with chicken, coconut milk, bamboo and peppers, spring and summer rolls, it's all damn good.
Phuket received international attention when the 2004 tsunami hit Indonesia, India, Sri Lanka and Thailand and left thousands of residents and tourists dead, injured, missing and homeless. Since then it has been restored and is still trying to boost tourism as that is the main area of business for the island.
It's gorgeous, affordable and a little more exotic for people that generally go to Mexico, Hawaii or the Caribbean for their beach getaways. The nearby beaches of Phi Phi and The Similian Islands are also a draw. There have been several location shoots for these beaches including Bridget Jones and The Edge of Reason, The Beach, Good Morning Vietnam and for all you nerds out there, Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith.
The capital of Thailand is Bangkok. It is quite the thriving city and you can stay at the Four Seasons Hotel for about $200.
Now, to talk to women that have been to Bangkok and then talk to men who have been to Bangkok, you are gonna get 2 versions of what sounds like 2 totally separate planets, when in fact, they were both in Bangkok at the same time.
Women talk about the ancient temples and unbelievably cheap markets. They talk about the colorful silks and handicrafts and how cheap they bought that gold ring for.
Men talk about the sex trade. For $5 you can get a great massage with a Happy Ending. Their Red Light District is uninhibited and unconventional. I had the unforgettable experience of listening to 3 men talk about their separate visits to Bangkok and I went through several emotions while doing so.
First of all, I hate to hear that my guy friends have had hookers. Not only did they have hookers, but they think they are cool because they have done so. Fine, whatever.
Apparently they all went to the same night club, The Soi Cowboy (everybody just fuckin loves cowboys). There is talent in many forms here. Their favorite was one lady that was able to stick golf balls up her Hoo Hoo and shoot them across the room. For some reason I immediately felt inadequate after hearing this. And then I thought (in a Thai accent), “Ricki, why do you feel inadequate? You may be able to do such a thing, but you have never tried.” True, I have never tried. Then I thought about all the scenarios of such a fete: If I could do this, and do it well, then what would happen if I was showing off and I hit my lover in the head with a flying golf ball straight out of my Hoo Hoo and it killed him? Then I would have to go to court and explain myself and you can bet your sweet ass everybody in the country would know and nobody would talk about it more than the people from my small town. I have a HS reunion coming up, people. More than likely, I would try and have to get the golf balls surgically removed and not be able to use my Hoo Hoo for a limited time.
Then I thought, who wants to see chicks do stuff with their Hoo Hoos, golf balls and eels and various other natural and synthetic materials? Well, I kind of do, honestly, although, I am sure I would be scarred for life. I mean sure, as odd as this is, let’s ask ourselves an important question: Is what they are doing in any way remotely sexy? Hell no. And Men, would you dare put your Pee Pee anywhere near a Hoo Hoo that has just done all that stuff? Just for the record, if so, you are not getting anywhere near mine.
And that's all I have to say about that.
posted by Wigwam at 1:45 PM
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