Grossnessness,Older, The Mythical Gilley, Cricut and It's Fixin To Be December

I am so tired of being sick I am about to go beyond postal, but not quite serial killer-y. I had everything going smooth then BAM! Sniffles and sneezes. Then fever. Then dizziness and wheezing - I couldn't sleep because it sounded like demons were in the room and well, it was just me breathing. Then the coughing and peeing a little. Pneumonia. So birthday gathering was canceled, Vegas with Mr. Incredible was postponed and I think he secretly hates me now, but then again, I am paranoid everyone hates me a little right now, Thanksgiving had no taste and I am always tired. It blows like a cheap hooker. And it seems like I am a perpetual bitcher. I am.

The night before my birthday, it hit me like a tons of bricks that I was living the last few hours of my mid thirties. I have really been OK with my age for a while now and quite happy with my situation in life, as dramatic as it can be sometimes. Then I started thinking that it is more probable, especially in this day and age, that I will fall from the sky or be attacked by terrorists than to get married. So basically I am going to die alone, probably of pneumonia, and someone will spray paint SPINSTER on my tombstone. I refuse to allow this be the case. I am halfway funny and I bake, for fuck sake. Surely there is some poor son of a bitch out there that would appreciate those 2 things alone. Then I saw Jon and Kate Plus 8 - a couple with sextuplets and twins. That poor guy seemed so beat down, you can tell they have not slept in years and their idea of a fun day was a complete ass whip for me. I was exhausted after seeing all that.

MYTHICAL GILLEY SIGHTING

Please allow me to explain:

Mike Gilley is one of the coolest guys I have ever known. And then one day he just falls off the radar. Karen, one of my lifetime bestest friends has been married to Frank for like 15 years now, and Franks has always heard us talk about Mike Gilley, but he has never seen him. So he is referred to as The Mythical Gilley. Frank does not believe Mike Gilley exists. The few times I have seen Mike over the years it has been just me, so Frank thinks it is all in my head. But yesterday I had a witness:

Date: November 29th 2008

Time: 1:27 pm

Location: JoAnn Fabrics

Witness Anne Johnson

Other Pertinent Information: I have his phone number now in his very own handwriting.

I have a CRICUT scrapbook die cut machine. It even etches glass! I am so excited to get this. I have over 12 cartridges now, about 15 pounds of the coolest paper you have ever seen, stickers, photos, buttons, recipes, ribbon, glitter and anything else cool and shiny you could possibly dream of. I don't have a clue how much money I have spent. I have no idea what the F I am doing. I am so overwhelmed I cannot even fathom where to begin. I am hoping it is just the medication. You know, there comes a time in your life when you have so many options you really didn't think you had before that you are just blown away when a whole world of anything you would want to do is laid out before you. Like vacation. You want to go to a beach. So you think, I can go to Galveston. I have been there 1 million times and it smells funny but it is a beach. Then you think, well, Mexico is just a little further South. Or California would be cool. Why not just jump over to Hawaii? Fiji and Tahiti are just a few more hours from that. Phuket would be nice. Or Australia's Gold Coast. The Maldives would be awesome. Or The Seychelles. Beaches in Israel or Egypt may be nice. Or Greece. Maybe Spain. Bermuda has pink beaches. The Caribbean is clean and blue. Florida is a thought. And before you know it you are back at Galveston but you have waited too long and now all the hotel rooms are sold out so you have to spend your vacation in your backyard with a wading pool from Wal Mart and BBQ some hot dogs. And THAT is how I feel about the whole Cricut thing.

It is fixin to be December. And where is your life going?

Long Time No Blog

It's been a while since I have blogged, but here goes some recent things in my brain.

The US Presidential Election

Man, what an ass-whip. So here is my whole take on it. I did not prefer either candidate. I flip flopped on who I was going to vote for - back and forth. I managed to piss off both my Republican friends and my Democratic friends simultaneously. So on the way to the polls and still conflicted, I had to have a little talk with myself; "Ricki. You are the only one I really listen to most of the time. Who is it you really want in the White House? Vote for that one. Do it, Ricki! DO IT NOW!" So I got to the polls, ran inside and wrote in Bill Clinton. And then for a few brief moments I felt good thinking of what life would be like with Bill again and I was happy. So happy. And when I traveled to distant lands, people would ask me if I knew Bill or if I voted for him and they were happy too, just like they were when I traveled to foreign lands before. I don't want to hear about how I wasted my vote. Wasting your vote is being registered to vote and not knowing who to vote for so you just don't do anything. You let everyone else figure out what you want for you and then you probably don't want that and then you will bitch about it. It was my vote and I damn well used it to the good of my conscience. And that is all I have to say about that. I love Bill. You leave Bill alone.

Laundry

Fanky said my laundry detergent sounds like a distress call. Apple Mango Tango, APPLE MANGO TANGO!

Las Vegas

I am going to Las Vegas in a few weeks and I am stoked. The last time I went I was 16 and snuck into the casino with Devin Morow and Cargill. We were playing slots to win a Ferrari and I was terrified I was going to hit it. I think I am over that now. I am not really going to gamble anyway.

Bug

I have had the flu for about 5 days now. It sucks butt.

Elderly

I am getting old. In almost 3 weeks I will be 1 year older. Life is not how I pictured it would be 15 years ago, but I am totally cool with that. Funny how you think you want something and then it turns out you really don't want that at all. But I am having a sweet little cocktail party at Embargo, this cool Cuban bar Downtown and it will be fun having some of my peeps together.

New Shows

I am watching 2 shows I really dig now. Little Britian USA and True Blood. Little Britian is so damn funny I coughed my food across the room the first time I watched it and True Blood is cool on an almost Anne Ricey level.

Pumpkins

Johnny Burleson came over before Halloween and we carved pumpkins. In the same amount of time it took me to carve 3 whole circles to make a ghost pumpkin, he carved this awesome masterpiece of Batman looking over the city skyline with what looked like fire in the background and little tiny explosions where the candles reflected at the bottom. I even tried to be all Martha Stewart and intently used a drill and everything. I saw his and I about fell over. I felt like an idiot at first but then mine was cute and thanks to him, our house had the coolest pumpkin in all my neighborhood.

Blackberry Curve

I have a Curve now and it rocks! It has GPS, an alarm, and then all the things it is supposed to do like being a phone and all. Plus the e-mail. Man, I love the e-mail! I also have Bluetooth and it made me realize how fantastic I am at multitasking. I can find my way around, talk on the phone, sing and have a ciggy all whilst driving. My Bluetooth lady sounds like a deaf girl and sometimes I catch myself asking her "What?!?" It's kind of creepy when she repeats herself after I say that. I wonder what she looks like. I hope she doesn't look like that chick from The Ring. If she does, then I am so done with the Curve.

Request

Does anyone have that e-mail with the Olan Mills pictures where the guy made up funny captions? If so, please forward it to me.

Good Intentions

I am going to try to blog more often. And take more pictures. I have waited so long to take pictures that the $1 store in River Oaks that had a sign that read "Everything A Dollar Over A Dollar" now reads "Everything A Dollar Nothing Over A Dollar." Nothing funny about that.

Texas, Non-Convenient Food Talk, Elder Characteristics, Man Stuff

“There’s no place on God’s green earth like Texas.” - John Ross (JR) Ewing

I love Texas. I do. When I lived in New York City there was not an hour that went by that I did not think on it at least once. In particular, Fort Worth. I was The Ambassador when it came to reppin the 817.

That said, I find it hard sometimes to get back to the easy life down here. I appreciate everyone’s friendliness and courtesy and good neighbor attitude, most of the time. There are times that I get all New Yorky on people and I have to catch myself and go back to my Southern-Texan hybrid roots. I actually honked my horn the other day.

This morning I was running late for work and needed to pick up a pack of ciggies. So I stopped at Quick Sak (y’all know the one by CHS in the Big R.O.) Well there was a lady that walked in right behind me for her morning Dr. Pepper. She conversed with the lady behind the counter the entire time she was getting her ice and drink. I was standing there listening to how her grandson wanted a pimento cheese sandwich last night but she wanted to cook dinner. He ate the sandwich but not dinner and then before bed he wanted a PB&J. Well she is not going to do that anymore. He is going to have to eat what she cooks when she cooks it. She has had it up to hear with cooking different stuff for everyone every day and she is just not going to do it anymore. I mean, they don’t need to go out to eat all the time and she has some good recipes she wants to try out. If they don’t like it, they can wait until the next meal or not eat at all.

You bored with that story yet? Me too. I am standing at the counter just holding my tits. She started in a on a specific recipe that the lady behind the counter was getting a pen out for and I said “I’m sorry. But I really need to go.” I got some Boo looks for that but I made it out the door about 1.5 minutes after that. It would have been sooner but I bought an Elvis lighter and she didn’t know how much it was so I literally had to do the leg work and run over there and see. I had to have that lighter.
In mine aging, I have picked up some really bad characteristics that I need to lose or I am not going to have any friends. I have been wearing my feelings on my shoulder lately. For instance, I used to give courtesy agreement nods to people who were talking to me about subject matter that I couldn’t give a shit about Recently if I am sitting and someone is doing this I sigh real loud, lean over the table, slap my flat palm on my forehead and close my eyes. If I am standing I just put my head on the wall and kind of roll around. That’s just not real good.

Oh, the Man thing. Tis either feast or famine. The truth is they all piss me off and I know they are going to before anything even starts. I have to find a happy medium. Should I just accept the fact that said Man is going to disappoint me and forgive them that because I already know that any man would? Or should I hold out for one that does not disappoint? That is like striking oil or finding a diamond mine underneath the floor in my closet. Hard to say. I will just go with the flow.

Tom Selleck, My Non-Existent Nuts, Election, ZZ Top, Young Uns

I have a new love in my life. His name is Tom Selleck. He is not so new, but damn! I cannot believe I haven't noticed his hotness and man-man-ness until recently. He is tall and big and witty and smooth and he is the only one I can think of that can pull off that mustache when not in a Western. Yeah, I am way into him right now. It may be time to have Tom Fest and eat a bunch of pineapple. Maybe a Luau.

My non-existent nuts are killing me. I surmise it is from all the rejection of not being hired into a decent paying job yet.

I am really worried about this election. I am pretty much not happy no matter what the results will be. Perhaps it is time to be a stranger in a foreign land.

I found some sunglasses at Dollar Tree yesterday. That brought up memories when Fanky and I were riding around in my first car and ZZ Top came on the radio singing Cheap Sunglasses. It was about 10:00 at night and we still put on our sunglasses and rode around like a couple of lowriders bobbing our heads and singing. I think that happened a few times when KC was with us too. Good times. I really am not missing my youth too much these days. Probably because I still pretty much do the same shit now as I did then. Of course now I have one hell of a resume, a reputable travel log, more debt, better taste and some jail time, which I chalk up to street cred. It could be better, but right now, life is goooooood.

Recent Happenings

Me and Fanky and Anne and Roxanna were at the Belmont the year Funny Cide was up for the Triple Crown. It was raining and freezing but the atmosphere was electric. The crowd was so proud to have a New York horse that did them proud in New York City. The all sang New York New York before the race and there were a million umbrellas in sight. I will never forget that day.

I am very excited that Big Brown may win The Triple Crown. I just love his name. It sounds like something I would name one of my beloved pets. Their names always evolve and I never really know why. Here are some examples:

Small Cat - Mall Cat - Molly - Little Booka

Elwood - Elwood Roe Wilson - Mr. Wilson - El Presidente - Elvis

Moggy - Mogwai - Mogalish

Isis - Icee - Baby Kitty - Baby Girl - Baby Swirl

Kitty - Miss Kitty - Queen Bee

I went shooting for the first time in my life. I have always been anti-gun. Then I come home to realize that all my close peeps and family have vast gun collections. Most of them said they were afraid to tell me. So when the telephone rang early one Saturday morning and I was invited to go shooting I accepted. On the hour trip there, I was excited. Then when pulling into the range I was scared shitless.

That gun looked like a mean fucker to me. There was the fact that I could have killed someone with it. I was not worried about that as much as I was worried I would hit the other people's targets and get in big fat trouble. I didn't even have my glasses on. So there mere 100 foot target appeared to be about 2 states away from me. But I was amazed at the control I had and then the immense power you feel. I felt like Annette Benning in American Beauty.

I am so short that I had to balance the gun on his bag. I was doing so well and he was spotting for me and told me I was pretty much on target and then something happened that made me pee a little. I took a shot that I was sure was dead on. The next thing I hear is something blow up. Then white stuff stared floating all around me. Here is what I thought and the range of emotions I went through in about 2.3 seconds:

1. Utter shock . . . White stuff floating "Oh God! I killed a bird!" About to Ricki-Sob . . .

2. "Hey! Those feathers have words on them!" Panic . . . .

3. "Shit! I think I shot his birth certificate!" Excitement . . .

4. "Confetti! Yeah! I think I won!" Confusion . . . .

It turned out that the gas from the end of the gun expelled into the pocket of the bag and there was a flier in there. The gas blew it to pieces. It was comical after it happened. I still do not know why I thought he carried his birth certificate in his gun bag, but I did and that is all I have to say about that. Other than I fucking rocked and I bet with some practice I could be a paid assassin. But I think I only want to be hired to hunt poachers. And then I would do it pro bono.

I hate my current temp job. It blows and not in a good way. I want a real job and I want it now.

I get to spend a weekend at The Four Seasons next month.

I feel like there is something much bigger I need to be doing with my life. Am I the only one that feels that way?

I will say I have done things the last few weeks that I would never thought of attempting 5 months ago. I love that about life. The unexpected pleasantness of being home and still doing new things after living here most of my life. Doing new things anywhere. I feel my free spirit and adventurous spontaneous self waking up after a decade long winter.

And has anyone eaten a hamburger at Love Shack? I want one.

I think me and Merly need to go to Shit T's this Sunday.

Just Some Stuff

Anne came over last night and we were having girl talk on the porch. I heard rustling behind the garage and it scared the hell out of me. A few minutes later an armadillo went wandering by us. I was thrilled. Four months ago that would never have happened to me. I love nature stuff.

July is coming and I am excited.

I saw Iron Man and it was way good. Robert Downey Jr. is such a good super hero. Who would have thought?

I am loving being back in the Great Lone Star State. All is well. Of course I need a real job and a car and my own place, but seriously, I am overjoyed. So are the cats.

There is a place downtown called Embargo that I want to go to. They are supposed to have great mojitos. It looks like a New Yorky place.

Anne works at a dermatology office. I have been wanting to have my lips done for years now. She got me this Lip Plumper in a nice copper shade that I really like so I could see what my lips will probably look like should I have them done. It burns like fuck, but it works. It causes some kind of allergic reaction where applied and your lips swell and get fuller. The other night I was with someone going to Fuzzy's Tacos and I put this stuff on. I made the mistake of licking my lips. While I was driving my tongue started swelling and then so did my throat. He had to locate a Benedryl in my purse that I had to take with no drink. We got to Fuzzy's and after we ate I went to the bathroom to blow my nose and pink stuff came out. It was gross but kind of cool. Then I was disappointed because when you take a Benedryl after using this, your lips go back to normal. I felt cheated for all the embarrassment and burning and swelling and pink snot blowing I went through.

Taco Casa rocks. I have eaten about 1,000,000,000 tacos since I have been back in TX. The other night Jason (my 7 year old nephew) said I was Taco Queen. Then he boldly stated I had Taco Power. I don't know what that means, but I am OK with that.

I Am A Teenager Again

Being back in Texas, I am unemployed and completely broke, however, I am completely relaxed and pretty much worry free in comparison to the last few years. I also am staying with my family until I get back on my feet. We get along better than ever, but . . .

I so often have wondered how my youth passed so quickly and there are days that I have those "If I knew then what I know now I would definitely do it all over again" thoughts. Well, it is kind of like that right now. So I definitely am aware of what I know now and I am trying to apply it to the my-family-thinks-it-is-back-then time.

My 7-year-old nephew lives with us too. I don't have the Kid Gene, but we hang out alot and I take him to do errands with me. Lots of times because I don't want to wear a bra and he can fetch things for me, but generally because I enjoy his company and he thinks I am cool.

We have been walking every night (for the past 2 nights). The first night I took him to the track at the high school which he had never been to before. The next night we walked The Museum District.

Every time I leave the house my mom asks me where I am going and what I will be doing. I am not used to answering such inquiries anymore and the answer is always the same as it has been since I was 13. "Out." I just feel better telling the little white lie than I do by telling her I am actually going to go get laid or get shit-faced or speed in Mamaw's car. Anne dropped a hint to me to tell just little tid bits and the questioning would stop.

So, last night I said I was taking Jason and said we would be back later and Mom said "Where are you taking him and what will you be doing? I have to know so I can decide if he can go or not." My answer was as follows: "Well, first we are gonna go and steal a car, a really nice and fast one so Mamaw's car will not be tracked, then we are going to hold up a bank. Then the insurance company is paying me big money to do a gig at the nursing home where I have to assassinate a few of them from over the dirt hill after early supper but before cards. After that we will sneak into a rated R movie. I then have to sell my ass on the streets for a couple of hours so Jason will have to sit with my pimp and the other hoes. Then we have a quick rally to attend with the White Supremacist group. Jason's hair is so short, they should let him in for free. Round about midnight we have the church service to attend to worship Satan and burn some Christians at the stake. We may grab some tacos afterward and we are out of Dr. Pepper so I wil pick some up in time for my heroin run - you know how I hate doing smack on an empty stomach. Jason will then have to drive us to the zoo where we will climb the fence directly into the lion's den so I will have a cool place to be high - don't worry, they are my people. We have to go back and pick up Mamaw's car and then it is off to Jessee's Donuts before I bring him home in time to wash up for school."

She said "What, Honey?" I then felt like a complete shit bitch and told her we were going walking.

I love my Momma.

**** Sigh ****

I had to take the family dog to the vet today. He was suffering so the best thing to do was to put him down. I could not let him die alone so I stayed. I am a wreck. I have not cried so hard in a long, long time.

The Tale of The Long Journey Home

Well, I made it back to Fort Worth and the event is still a little surreal for me. As glad as I am to be back, I find myself rapidly and extremely ungracefully slipping into an ecstatic depressional funk. It shall pass, I am sure of it.

So the trip went a little something like this:

So livid pissed at my Thank-God-Former-Roommate that I scarcely recall the first 7 hours of my trip. It is a shame I lived there 7 years and was unable to enjoy my last 3 weeks of living in The Big Apple due to the antics of his selfishness, betrayal and deceit, but I am just glad to never have to deal with all that shit again. To say I do not need to meet any new friends anymore would not be fair as I met one of the most genuine and truest beings ever in the history of ever through him, so I am just going to say I hope he gets exactly what he deserves and that is all I have to say about that.

I do recall it taking me an hour to drive through Manhattan and remembering why it was I never wanted a car there. After reaching Pennsylvania, I drove through 3 separate snow storms. I drove through 2 little towns, once for Arby's and once for gas and they were the exact same in layout all the way down to the laundry mat, 4 downs down from the light on the left. I got creeped out and got gas in West Virginia instead. I passed tons of cool places without stopping at any of them due to the 29 degree temperature. Spent the first night in Harrisonburg, VA and had half way decent Mexican food. The cats thought they were in Disney World and could not believe we had such big windows.

The next morning the cats thought we were in hell because we were leaving Disney World (Motel 6) and talked for 4 hours straight. Fearing Elwood had to shit, I pulled over at a rest stop and it turns out he was just being nosy and wanted out of the cage. There are great places for rest stops through Virginia and Tennessee, most of them offering mountain views. Unfortunately, ever one I stopped at just had a view of the highway. Made it just outside Nashville the 2nd day and found another bigger better and newer Disney World for my Kitlins and got a proper fat ass fucking delite from Cracker Barrel.

Determined to make it home the next day, I bolted at 6:00 am and basically drove from Nashville to Fort Worth. It rained the whole time and right as I was coming into Dallas, I got hit by an ice storm and it sucked butt for the next 2 hours and then I was fine.

I whole heartedly admit these pictures I will post later this week are in fact the worst vacation pictures ever taken. Mainly because the are all of signs from the drivers side while trying to drive. As a bonus, here is a list of the cool places I did not go to:

Gettysburg
Antietam
Harper's Ferry
The Birthplace of Davy Crockett
The Tavern owned by Davy Crockett
Dollywood
The Smokey Mountains
The Appalachian Mountains
The Blue Ridge Mountains
Loretta Lynn's Restaurant
Graceland
Al Gore's House
The Birthplace of Bill Clinton
The Bill Clinton Post Office
The Bill Clinton Presidential Museum
Crater of Diamonds National Park
That Diary Queen in Hooks Arkansas

In my next Blog I will tell the tale of the Rental Car Return Torture of Poor Fanky, Bless His Heart.

Taking The Long Way

I wokeup this morning and had to go to White Plains to pick up the rental car for my long drive home. Of course the same car company, the same type of car, and the same everything is only about 6 minutes away at LaGuardia, but it is $1300 more than the rental in White Plains. Go figure. That pretty much sums up my financial problems in New York City.

So I go to Grand Central and asked for a sign that I am making the right decision and everything pointed to yes. The new train that went express, the Columbia Blue and Scarlet red floor of the new train, the smooth sailing. Until I got to the rental counter.

Even with a one way rental, you have to have a major cc and a return ticket. I did not have either. I had a debit card and no ticket. After 1 hour of phone calls, I finally sat down and cried and the lady at the rental counter saw me and gave me the car anyway. She was an angel.

I got an Impala and WOW! It is awesome; sunroof, satellite radio, gadgets I don't know what to do with and lots of room. It smells nice.

I once again asked for a sign I was doing the right thing. Led Zepplin, Goodbye Yellow Brick Road, Home, and Willie Nelson all came on the radio, one after the other. So this is it.

I am making my traveling soundtrack tomorrow night. I will have I cannot Believe I am Leaving This Place Crying CD, the I Am So Glad I Left That Hell Hole Tough Ass cd, the William Nelson/Johnny Cash CD, the Classical Music Chill Out CD, and the Upbeat Drive Fast CD.

I have to be back by Tuesday to vote in the Primary.

I am tired Y'all. When I return home I am going to go into a funk and sleep for 3 days. Then I am going to wake up and begin a new kick ass life.

This may be my last blog for a while. Then I will chronicle my trip.

Last Moving Sale Hosted by Ricki Ever In The Ricki History of Ever

No matter how cheap your stuff is at a Moving/Garage Sale, there are always people wanting to talk you down. It must be like a game for them. I am not a bargainer, I do not do well in Mexico where nothing is priced nor so I do well at any kind of sale negotiation.

I posted my stuff on Craigs List today. I have a small 2 drawer dresser that quite frankly is a piece of shit. But, I used it for 5 years and it works fine in the fact that it indeed holds stuff. There is no catch for the drawers, but when I want a pair of panties, I don't need 1/2 hour to siphon through all the stuff to decide what I want to wear. The drawers are only so big, so it wouldn't hold much anyway. It kept my delicates off the floor. I am selling it for $5. Up here, $5 barely gets you dick that is on every other $1 fast food menu in the country.

So I get a phone call. It is this lady telling me she is interested in the dresser. I say "OK, how far do you live from me?" It turns out it's a mere 2 blocks. But no. 20 minutes. 20 minutes on the damn phone asking me the condition of it, how much it was used what color is it, are there any scratches, what kind of wood, what color is the wood? She is looking for something really sturdy and nice. She got impatient with my information and then I got all New Yorky on her:

Ricki: Lady. It is 5 bucks. I didn't get it from Buckingham Palace.

Lady: I just want to make sure I am getting good quality.

Ricki: It is five bucks! If you want good quality, you will probably need to spend $125 for something used.

Lady: I can get a good quality dresser for $5.

Ricki. Well. Then tear your ass.

Needless to say, it did not sell yet.

Saturday a little old man came in to look at the stuff for sale. 6 times. 6 times I told him nothing in the kitchen was for sale, everything was in the living room. He then proceeded to talk me into selling him a $20 light thingy for $1, which I did just so he would leave. He stayed an additional 90+ minutes wanting everything for 25 cents and then paid me the 3.00 bill in all dimes. I sold him everything for cheap, because God bless him, he was old and probably just wanted in from the cold. That was a huge mistake because he came back 3 more times with more dimes and I somehow wound up selling him knives from my kitchen that were not even for sale. I'm sorry, that is a complete lie. I wound up GIVING them to him for nothing and now I have 1 knife. One.

I am quite offended that all my shit I value so much did not fly off the shelves. I have awesome stuff. My little library rocks and I don't think anyone in Astoria reads because the only things going are picture and coffee table books. I cannot believe nobody has bought my Snatch DVD, starring Brad Pitt, not a DVD of my Snatch. Don't call her that.

Somebody wanted to give me $2 for my cat and I told him to get the hell out.

What an adventure and I get to do it all again this weekend. I wish I had that guy that dressed up like a gorilla (Fanky says I say Grilla) that used to wave to people on Camp Bowie. But it is New York, and it probably would not work.

The Big Journey Home

I have about 2 weeks until I begin the journey home. It has been a long time coming, but the nearer it approaches, the more heartache I am feeling about leaving New York. Honestly, I have had more troubles here than successes, but it all goes in the scrapbook of life. It has been an adventure and that is what I basque in. I never expected to live the Donald Trump lifestyle here and it is a good thing because I never did.

I had a moving sell this weekend. It was 31 degrees out and cloudy. I only had 7 people come, I made $240 bucks and I will continue this until 2 days before I leave. If you so feel inclined, I do take donations at this point. I love my stuff and I don't even WANT to sell it, but I cannot seem to give this shit away. I am sorry if you don't want to spend $4 on my crock pot, but I love that son of a bitch and I will take nothing less. And if I don't think you will put it to good use, then it is not for sale anymore!

The cats know there is something up. Strange happenings mean change to them and they are fixin to be in a culture shock.

I am posting the route I am driving beginning early morning March 2nd, in case I come up missing or something. After being in New York so long, I am floored that I could find a place to stay for $35.99 a night when the cheapest dump here is going for about $210 per night. I am beginning my revival of living in the South with a proper Fat Ass Fucking Delight in Wytheville Virginia the first night. I have discovered there is a Cracker Barrel within walking distance which means something fried, Mac and Cheese, Sweet Tea and some kind of fruity something for dessert, followed by an evening of HBO and some good sleep.

Ok, I am going to go ride out my emotional rollercoaster for the rest of the day. I am doing the final Weed-Out of the stuff I am taking back with me. If it does not fit in the rental car, then it does not go.

DRIVING DIRECTIONS--------------------------------------------------A) 2921 23RD RD ASTORIA, NY 11105-2869 US-------------------------------------------------- 1. Start out going NORTHWEST on 23RD RD toward 29TH ST. (go 0.01 miles) 2. Turn LEFT onto 29TH ST. (go 0.25 miles) 3. Merge onto I-278 E toward TRIBOROUGH BRIDGE/BRONX/MANHATTAN/RANDALLS ISLAND/DOWNING STADIUM (Portions toll). (go 2.50 miles) 4. Merge onto I-87 N/MAJOR DEEGAN EXPY via EXIT 47 on the LEFT toward ALBANY. (go 3.10 miles) 5. Take the CROSS BRONX EXPWY/I-95/US-1 exit- EXIT 7N-S- toward NEW HAVEN/TREN TON. (go 0.20 miles) 6. Merge onto I-95 S/US-1 S/CROSS BRONX EXPY via EXIT 7S on the LEFT toward G WASHINGTON BR/TRENTON. (go 0.52 miles) 7. Keep RIGHT to take I-95 S toward G W BRIDGE/LOWER LEVEL/LAST NY EXIT (Crossing into NEW JERSEY). (go 2.55 miles) 8. Keep LEFT to take I-95 EXPRESS LN S/NEW JERSEY TURNPIKE S toward I-80/GARDEN STATE PARKWAY/PATERSON. (go 2.51 miles) 9. Take I-95 S/NEW JERSEY TURNPIKE S toward US-46/NEWARK (Portions toll). (go 12.65 miles) 10. Merge onto I-78 W toward US-1/NEWARK AIRPORT/US-22 (Portions toll). (go 1.74 miles) 11. Keep LEFT to take I-78 EXPRESS LN W toward GARDEN STATE PARKWAY/CLINTON. (go 9.31 miles) 12. I-78 EXPRESS LN W becomes I-78 W (Portions toll) (Crossing into PENNSYLVANIA). (go 125.75 miles) 13. Merge onto I-81 S via EXIT 1B on the LEFT toward HARRISBURG (Passing t hrough MARYLAND and WEST VIRGINIA- then crossing into VIRGINIA). (go 377.32 miles) 14. Merge onto E MAIN ST/US-11 S via EXIT 73 toward WYTHEVILLE. (go 0.75 miles) 15. Turn SHARP RIGHT onto LITHIA RD. (go 0.11 miles) 16. End at 220 Lithia Rd Wytheville, VA 24382-5122 US››ESTIMATED TIME: 8 hours, 45 minutes TOTAL DISTANCE: 539.28 miles--------------------------------------------------B) 220 LITHIA RD WYTHEVILLE, VA 24382-5122 US-------------------------------------------------- 1. Start out going SOUTHWEST on LITHIA RD toward E MAIN ST/US-11 S. (go 0.11 miles) 2. Turn SHARP LEFT onto E MAIN ST/US-11 N. (go 0.12 miles) 3. Merge onto I-81 S toward BLUEFIELD/BRISTOL (Crossing into TENNESSEE). (go 149.75 miles) 4. Merge onto I-40 W via EXIT 1B toward KNOXVILLE. (go 210.44 miles) 5. Keep LEFT to take I-40 W via EXIT 211A toward MEMPHIS. (go 200.34 miles) 6. Merge onto I-40 W via EXIT 10B (Crossing into ARKANSAS). (go 18.25 miles) 7. Take the CLUB RD/SOUTHLAND DR exit- EXIT 280. (go 0.12 miles) 8. Keep RIGHT at the fork to go on CLUB RD/SOUTHLAND DR. (go 0.06 miles) 9. Turn LEFT onto SOUTHLAND DR. (go 0.03 miles) 10. Turn LEFT onto I-40 W. (go 0.24 miles) 11. End at 2501 S Service Rd West Memphis, AR 72301-3000 US››ESTIMATED TIME: 8 hours, 46 minutes TOTAL DISTANCE: 579.47 miles--------------------------------------------------C) 2501 S SERVICE RD WEST MEMPHIS, AR 72301-3000 US-------------------------------------------------- 1. Start out going EAST on I-40 W toward SOUTHLAND DR. (go 0.24 miles) 2. Turn RIGHT onto SOUTHLAND DR. (go 0.03 miles) 3. Turn RIGHT onto CLUB RD/SOUTHLAND DR. (go 0.06 miles) 4. Merge onto I-40 W. (go 121.22 miles) 5. Merge onto I-440 W via EXIT 159 toward TEXARKANA. (go 9.99 miles) 6. Take the US-65 S/US-167 S/I-530 S exit- EXIT 138B- on the LEFT toward PINE BLUFF. (go 0.23 miles) 7. Merge onto I-30 W toward HOT SPRINGS/TEXARKANA (Crossing into TEXAS). (go 353.90 miles) 8. Take the TX-341-SPUR/TX-183 W exit- EXIT 7B. (go 0.15 miles) 9. Merge onto TX-183 N. (go 3.12 miles) 10. Turn LEFT onto SAM CALLOWAY RD. (go 0.41 miles) 11. Turn LEFT onto SUNDOWN DR. (go 0.16 miles) 12. Turn RIGHT onto FERNWOOD ST. (go 0.06 miles) 13. Turn RIGHT onto DOUGLAS ST. (go 0.05 miles) 14. End at 6054 Douglas St Fort Worth, TX 76114-3109 US›&rsaq uo;ESTIMATED TIME: 7 hours, 26 minutes TOTAL DISTANCE: 489.62 miles--------------------------------------------------D) 6054 DOUGLAS ST FORT WORTH, TX 76114-3109 US--------------------------------------------------››TOTAL ESTIMATED TIME: 24 hours, 58 minutes TOTAL DISTANCE: 1608.37 miles