December 27, 2007

Friday the 21 DEC, some of the Girls and I went to the Pub for a long lunch. We came back to the office and I left work about 6:30. It was awesome! I was looking forward to my 4 days off. Doing errands on Saturday, doing some last minute shopping on Sunday for Clint and the kitties and then wrapping them up and watching movies on Monday and Tuesday. I wanted to go see the Tree for the last time. Somewhere between 48th and Park and Astoria, something went horribly wrong.



I left the office and walked just 2 blocks. I had to go to the drugstore. I was having chills, shaking, had tons of snot and coughing like crazy. My throat was a little sore. Bought some TheraFlu, Tylenol Sinus and Congestion and a piece of chocolate. Left there and walked another 2 blocks and decided to change my weekend plans all together. On the 7 Train, I decided to do all my laundry and errands on Saturday and then just rest for the rest of the weekend. I would also need more chocolate.



Got up Saturday, was feeling sooooo queezy. Managed to get all the laundry together and go to Key Food and low and behold, Bootleg Lady was out so I got all my entertainment that I needed at a discount price. Went and bought stuff to make Chicken Noodle Soup and chili and went back to get laundry. Was feeling so bad all I couldn't even take the time to fold my clean clothes. Since I had sampled a little bit of all my OTC Medicine and nothing was working, I broke out a bottle of Southern Comfort and chugged a little. Not surprisingly, I felt tons better. For about 20 minutes. I had a sleepless night and at 10:30 on Sunday, I was playing solitaire and for some reason just picked up the phone and dialed 911. By the time I got there I could not breathe and I was coughing like a son of a bitch. Packed a little bag while waiting and got to the ER at Elmhurst Hospital. Yes, this hospital is in Queens but to both my pleasure and my anguish, it is the Hot Doctor Mecca of the planet. I have never looked so bad and I am quite sure I was not smelling my Orange Blossom self either. But I cannot be sure - my nose was not working.



Sat in the ER for about 10 hours, then they said I was being admitted and they were going to put me someplace quiet that I could sleep. The turned out to be New Holding Area 2. Translation: they put me with all the prisoners from Riker's Island. For those of you that don't know it, Riker's is just down the river a little from Sing Sing. So it was little white girl me, 11 prisoners, 4 nurses and 28 cops. It was not quiet.



I have to laugh really hard at least once a day to keep everything in check. One of the prisoners came back from X-Ray and was taking to his other prisoner friend and it sounded just like a conversation me and Fanky would have. It went a little something like this:



Prisoner 1: Yo Man. Whas that new big guys name? Tough. Really big mutha fucka. Fire Kid? Fire Starter?
Prisoner 2: Slim. Name's Slim.
Prisoner 1: Ye. Slim. Ye.



I started laughing so hard they had to call Respiratory to come in and give me a treatment. Then they started talking rape and I started singing out loud to deflect the noise. I sang that song Juliet Lewis sang in jail in Natural Born Killers – Born Bad.



Got a room. I felt after all that went on I was in ahotel. They brought me juice and a painkiller straight away. Read Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows cover to cover. Twice. Christmas Day the Muslim kids came by and gave us presents. I wept like a baby. The sweet Spanish lady next to me was so nice. I wept like a baby then too. Everybody that called me on Christmas made me so happy I cried. I wasn't being a complete putty heart. I also cried because they forgot to bring me some butter, I laughed at a nurse that tripped on pee and slid like 20 feet, when one of my nicest in the world doctors asked me if I had any questions, I asked him why he smiled so god damn much and I threw some Reece's Pieces down a radiator and then set my banana on it under a towel to see if they would smell like peanut butter and banana sandwiches. I think my medicine took a little toll on old Rick.





I didn't have enough time to shop for Clint so I swiped a box of gloves and some tape for him. It is NOT stealing – I am sure I paid for it dearly, believe you me. He likes to clean, so I know he will use them and it is the thought that counts.



Kneehole had a baby girl today. I am Auntie Ricki again. Now in 2008 I have to change my life enough to set good examples – get finances straight, get health in order, quit smoking, drinking and cussing, no more taking stuff even if it not technically stealing, writing more and learning to be content. Maybe at first I will work on the content thing and stop taking things. Later I will cut back on smoking and drinking. Is cussin really that big a deal? Drinking with friends is a good thing, right? OK - I will do the best that I can. I don't want to change so much I am not even me any more. I think I may find a decent and proper boyfriend too and get over the commitment issues. Who the hell am I kidding? It's not me that's scared. And they should be. Be afraid . . . be very afraid . . .

Next year, I am going to have a good Christmas, dammit.