The Power of Shamu

I love my cats. I mean it, I love them like a son of a bitch, but they have been soooooo bad lately.

Not only have they been playing Prison Break every time they get a chance, they have also been very brave in pushing my buttons lately.

Elwood loves turkey.
Isis loves ice cream.

The other night I was eating a turkey sandwich and Elwood reaches up and swoops in with his paw and swipes 1/2 the turkey from my sandwich in one swift move. I said "Elwood - go on - get!" After he ate that he did it again. It was time to literally whip out the Big Gun.

I have a water gun in the shape of Shamu, the Killer Whale from Sea World. I filled it with cold water and when I sat back down he went in for more turkey and I shot him with it. He ran off. He came back 5 minutes later and tried again. I shot him again. He jumped straight up, hit his head on the table, for sure got a concussion, made me feel like a complete shit-bitch, fell over and shot out of the room and all under 1.75 seconds. The next 20 minutes was spent trying to get him out from under the bed, making up, sweet petting and then a nice Russian Brushin' which he loves. (Russian Brushin' = when I don't have time to brush them when I am getting ready of a morning, but I do anyway - just real fast.)

Later, I came back to the kitchen and got some Chocolate Bread Pudding I made the other night and topped it off with some Vanilla ice cream. As I was eating it, Isis comes up to me and stars licking the ice cream out of the bowl. I grabbed Shamu and shot her with it. She gave me a dirty look, turned on her side while never taking her eyes off me, licked where I shot her and then got up and licked my ice cream again. I shot her again and she just stared at me. She couldn't have given a shit about Shamu. She laughed in Shamu's face.

So now the plan is to discipline Elwood with Shamu and Isis with the vacuum. Odds are, I will roll the vacuum over the Shamu arsenal and get electrocuted and my cats with have to eat my corpse when they run out of Deli Cat until someone finds me.