So Easily Queezed, So Little Time

I am amazed at how easily queezed I am lately. I feel like an active volcano waiting to spew.

Here are some examples:

1. I got pissed off at a lady whose face I accidentally blew smoke in. When she waved her hand to shoo it away, I mouthed off "Yeah, OK, we are only outside. Maybe if you are lucky I can go find the 1 square foot of space in this city not being occupied by anyone and I am sure it will be where a bum is pissing. I'm gonna get pissed on by a homeless man, bless his heart, who does not get his proper intake of water everyday, so I am sure his piss is dark yellow and reaks of barley and hops, but anything for you. Selfish Complainer."

Was I wrong? Without a doubt. I smoke and I don't like to get smoke blown in my face. I won't smoke in the Atlanta airport because I detest the fact that it smells like Bingo, but for some reason this chick pissed me off.

I need to quit smoking and I am sure I will not be happy about it. For the Love of God, just let me enjoy this vice before I know it has to end.

2. Key Food did not have my yogurt. I am trying to end another vice and let off the Rice Krispy Treats to eat a little healthier. What the fuck am I supposed to eat if you do not have my one brand of 1 particular flavor in stock? Apples and shit?! They ruined everything.

3. There was an empty seat beside me on the subway. Somebody sat there. Just beacuse there is an empty seat does not mean you have to plant your ass there. Just because it was the ONLY empty seat does not mean it was an invitation. Yes, I know he walked with a cane, but how do I know he really needed it and it was not his weapon of choice? Bless his heart.

4. Broadway Musicals. I am aware I was in choir for 4 years in High School and I was the Secretary and I couldn't wait to see every show that came out, but musicals really shit me these days. Why can't you just say what you mean? Why do you have to sing it like some big happy ass? Why have I paid thousands of dollars in the course of my life thus far to view this? All except Les Miserables. Don't you dare say anything bad about Les Mis in front of me. I love that show. And opera. I like Opera too for some reason and they are happy asses singing in a different language, although, it usually turns out tragic.

5. Girls that don't like chocolate. What do I care if they don't like it? All the more for me, but it just makes me mad lately.

Besides being easily queezed, I am also easily moved to weep lately. The following are example:

1.) Diamonds Are Forever commercials. Maybe it's because I am so damn happy for them. Maybe it's because I don't have a diamond.

2.) The Christmas Tree lights. Always has.

3.) The Cowboys playing a game. I think I am overcome with Pride for my people.

4.) Not exactly spilled milk, but spilled half and half. I wanted my coffe and it was the last of it.

5.) My favorite t-shirt has a huge hole in it that covers, or in this case, doesn't cover at all, my entire left boob.

And finally, thoughts that make me laugh out loud by myself on the subway and make people steer clear of me because I may or may not be wearing my favorite t-shirt with a hole that does not cover my left boob, that makes them assume I may be homeless and may start pissing on the empty seat beside me all while singing the entire score of The H.M.S. Pinafore.

1. Playing Mad Libs with Kneeholeon. Smoked NAACPs . . . .

2. Fanky and I coasting all the way from McGee Park to 7-11 when we ran out of gas that time.

3. The lady that tripped for 5 minutes at Burger's Lake. (True story, Y'all.)

4. Cargill rolling a log and choking on it. Devin and Joe and I could not help him because we were laughing so hard.

5. Anne and I losing all our money in Shreveport in 20 minutes, and having to write a hot check with a huge tip added to it at The Hot Biscuit on the way home.

6. Playing Ninja with Kathy and Karen.

Welcome to my life.

Should be back to normal soon enough.