The Burial, Thin Model Wanna-Be's, The 7, Stigmata, Trader Joe's, & Home Depot

Sadly, it has finally happened. I have been dreading this day for 2 years now since it began happening. I kept hoping and hoping, yet knowing all along the inevitable would happen. Last night I went to bed with my favorite t-shirt (Levi's Hard shirt with a huge hole in the front and 1,000 tiny holes in the back) and panties. When I woke up this morning, I was wearing the round neck part of the shirt and the actual t shirt was down around one of my knees. I have tried throwing it away too many times to count only to wind up retrieving it 15 minutes later. I got a new sewing kit at the $1 Store and I fear I may spend my weekend trying to mend something that cannot be fixed. So tomorrow when I am working in my garden, I am going to bury my shirt. R.I.P. Levi’s Hard Shirt - you served me well with your comfort and warmth. You will be missed, my old friend.

Yesterday my positive attitude plummeted into the depths of hell like a meteor falling from space. It started out just fine. I had to go into the city to run some errands. I left the apartment, got on the N Train, which was a new train with a whole empty car and left right after I got comfortable.

I had to transfer at Queensboro Plaza to get on the 7 Train, which I avoid at all costs for many, many reasons. It is a huge cultural difference and people are rude and cram into that car like it is rush hour in Tokyo. For reference, please read my previous blog from November entitled Almost Postal. But I needed to go to Grand Central, so there I was. So, I am on the 7, relaxing as best I can with my eyes closed. I kept feeling something on my shoulder that reminded me of a chicken carcass. I just kept trying to brush it off and felt nothing with each touch. Finally, I opened my eyes to see The Chicken Bones That Would Not Go Away to find a wanna-be model that was excruciatingly thin standing by me. As the train was flying through the tunnel under the river, her hip kept brushing up against my shoulder. I wanted nothing more than to right then and there steal the Noodle from the guy sitting next to me and hand feed it to her. I mean she was so thin that if you slapped her ass, you would walk around with stigmata hands, as I am sure her bones would pierce your palms. If we by any chance ran into battle somewhere between Queens and Manhattan, I could have picked her up and used her as a spear. I would have gladly given her $5 to go buy something fattening, but her purse was worth more than my monthly rent, so I did the right thing and did nothing.

Went to Trader Joe’s to buy various affordable organic and grocery items. They have the best damn coffee. Everything is affordable even if it is in Manhattan. I know they have them out West because Fanky used to go there when he was in Portland. I hope they open up one in Fort Worth soon.

My train was delayed in service on the way home and I was carrying no less than 50 pounds of affordable stuff. I then heard the announcement that due to a fire investigation at 14th Street – Union Square on the N and W Line, service was halted. Wow. I was at 14th Street – Union Square on the N and W Line. I did not see a fire but I was almost knocked down by 20 firemen that bolted up the stairs. Great. Even the firemen are running away from the fire. Fuck that. I have 50 pounds of affordable shit. I will wait until the fire is out. I will wait all night if I have to.

I wound up not waiting and took the 6 train to Lexington where the N and W platform overfloweth. So, I decided to go upstairs and go to Home Depot where I needed a Weed Eater sting replacement. Actually, a Toro 12" trimmer string replacement.

I will not go into details. I will say I was there for 3 hours, nobody knew dick about anything, the guy that was supposed to help guide you with directions on the store refused to tell me where customer service was and I asked him if I was in some kind of Secret Society Hall and if they were burning children somewhere in the building (he didn’t get it), there was an Asian lady that was trying to bargain for a vine like she was in a Mexican pottery market, my little toe nail fell off, some lady thought her air conditioner was more important than my replacement string and I gave her a lesson in manners, I tried Asian Lady tactic and told Home Depot Guy that I didn’t even need the whole Weed Eater; just the string – there were tears, blood, sweat, dirt, new cuss words I have never even heard of and I made up a few of my own, and at the end I have decided Home Depot will never ever get another dime from me. They have lost a lifetime customer over a $6 string, which I still do not have and nobody knows what I am talking about nor do they care.

I think everyone had a bad day yesterday. On the way to the train, Pharmacy Lady was having troubles with her car starting, Clint had a bad day at the office, I know Home Depot people had a bad day because of me, a delivery truck ran into Anne’s car at her apartment, and Clint and I both ordered food from 2 different places and both the orders were wrong and the food tasted not right.

Today, I am Sally Sunshine once again. Amazing how starting off with the perfect cup of coffee can affect things for the rest of the day.