Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Luck, Wal-Mart, Elvis Mac & Cheese, TV and Commuting


Somebody in my neighborhood won the $105 Million Mega Millions Jackpot on Saturday. This means I am completely screwed now.

* It was not me that won on Saturday.
* What are the chances I would win anyway?
* What are the chances 2 people in the same neighborhood are going to win?

Do you see my plight on this?

I hope it was somebody old. I like it when old people win good stuff.


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I am seriously thinking of renting a car this weekend and going to Wal-Mart. The nearest Super Wal-Mart is 41 miles away. Just down the road by my standards, but they have a ton of tolls.

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If anybody wants my recipe for Elvis Macaroni and Cheese, let me know. I am considering doing a recipe blog, but I don’t know yet. I am a pretty good cook. I would love to have my own restaurant in a small town somewhere. Or a big fat town like New York City. Then I will go global and take over the world with my Southern Food.

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I need a freaking vacation. Something different. Permanent perhaps.


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I am so queezed with TV right now it is not even funny. 24 is a let down this season.

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Let me share with you my daily commute to work.

Right now, I am working right in the center of Times Square.

Astoria – Walk out the front door after petting the kitties. The gas station guy always yells “Good Morning, Ricki!” Pass the bread delivery guy every morning. Buy some gum from the Middle Eastern store of bad habits – they always ask me why I have not won the lotto yet and if I did, would I give them some money. Walk up the stairs to the platform. Talk to Eddie, an older gentleman that sweeps the trains. We talk Texas sports, where I am working, the weather and he always asks about my backyard, as he knows it is a work in progress. He never sweeps but exits the train when the departure announcement is made. Finish Sudoku puzzle by the 3rd stop. Read the Entertainment news. Ride the train to 49th Street stop. Usually light ciggy, but didn’t today - I think I am almost ready to quit. Start dodging the tourists – not so many at this time of day – just the early risers. Refuse the bus tour guys, refuse the Broadway show handouts, flat-out lie to the comedy club guys by replying “No” in a serious fake Tudor-esque British accent when they ask me if I like to laugh, refuse the persistent Christian Scientists, side step all tourists and not wait for the walk signs to say “walk”, ignore the young-ins trying to get into TRL, walk into the Viacom building, see Security guy that always asks “Ricki, where the hell is your ID?” and I say “Where the hell is yours?” Laugh and he just lets me pass.

Times Square – daily ritual afternoon ass-whip. THOUSANDS of wandering gawking tourists. I just want to go home. Pass Batman, the Hooda Hoots (I don’t know what they are called, but it is the Indian band that has lots of flutey things), remind the bus guys I don’t need a tour – I still live here, evade second shift Christian Scientists, avoid comedy pushers, give directions at least twice, take someone’s picture for them, save someone from following the masses of other tourists that don’t know what they are doing and wandering into the street with a cab going by at 60mph, debate stopping for a single malt whisky, have a ciggy instead, finally reach subway. This all takes place within 3.5 blocks.

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Speaking of the Tudor-esque, if you haven't seen Showtime's new series The Tudors, you need to. It is really good. I am not completely daft- I am well aware there is no possible way the Tudors were as hot as the actors portraying them on the show. But it is still completely entertaining.

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That’s all I have to say about that.

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