Perspectives

I love my family, I do. I mean I love them like sons of bitches. They are driving me crazy from 1,602.84 miles away.

Mamaw is 81 and I miss the shit out of her. I constantly worry about her. When she goes to the the doctor, she tells him partial stories of what is wrong with her. I can never get through on the phone because she always leaves the phone on the cradle in her room at the back of the house.

Momma is sick and refuses to go to the doctor because she doesn't like doctors. I can never get through on the phone because she is always on the Internet and she refuses to let go of AOL.

Daddy needs a kidney transplant and is on dialysis. I can't ever talk to him because he sounds so weak and is so sweet I just want to cry the whole time and I am sure that would be upsetting to him.

Kneeholeon is suffering from a hard break-up. I can't talk to her because she is either asleep or just doesn't answer her phone.

Me, I have asthma and I am doing OK. I owe the tax man tons of money and I can never seem to catch up on things no matter what. Every time I have greatness planned something comes up and all is postponed or completely lost. It is a constant struggle, but I am too stubborn to be defeated, so I just have to keep laughing.

I think of all the bad things sometimes and then I have to reflect on an event that happened to me and it helps.

I moved to New York the second time because I got laid off 3 times in 7 months back in 2001. I was on the verge of losing my good credit I had rebuilt and my Jeep that I cherished. I drove up here in 4 days and had a job the next business day after I got here.

The following week I was to get my first paycheck on Thursday at 4:00. This check would have set straight all my financial burdens. I was walking out the door at 7:45 am Thursday morning and the Jeep was gone. I called the police to report it stolen. I was then informed that my Jeep was in fact NOT stolen, but repossessed. It was taken to a lot in NJ. There was no way for me to get there and I had to catch up on all the payments and fees and the new fees plus the fees for storing my car until I got it out at $125 day. There was no way I could have done all that and I was completely distressed.

I cried all the way to work and I never let 'em see me sweat. I was working at NYU Medical Center in the President's Office at the time. I was pitiful, shamed, embarrassed, worried and sickened. I felt all was lost and my life was surely going down the toilet.

When I got to the hospital there was a kid that was no older than 15 and he was holding the door open for me. I glanced up at him and his whole face was scarred from burns, as were his hands, his arms, his feet, his chest that I could see and his legs. He must have had 80% of his body covered in burns. He looked down and smiled at me as he held the door open.

I decided right then to let my petty worries go. This kid has already suffered so much and his life would not be an easy one, yet he could still afford to smile at a sad looking stranger walking through the heavy door that he was holding.

When life gets bad I think of this and it forces me to put things in perspective. Things could be so much worse and I am truly thankful they are not.

And I have just decided I am going home to see my family next month while they are all still around. The rest can wait.