You Had To Have Been There

I am pretty much alone at work today and I am cracking myself up. Here are some recent cores of my outbursts of laughter.

• A few weeks ago I blogged how my friend found it ungratifying when she threw some clothes around when frustrated. When recently visiting here, she told me she did have a more rewarding experience when she threw a McGriddle. At a protester.
  


• I was reading a review on the newly released movie The Reaping, starring 2 time Oscar winner Hillary Swank. 2 things written by Dan Dunn highly amused me:
  

1. If you were to take “The Omen,” “Rosemary’s Baby,” “The Exorcist” and — what the hell — let’s go with “Stroker Ace,” and throw ’em all in a blender, you’d likely wind up with something an awful lot (and I do mean awful) like “The Reaping.”
   
2. David Morrissey, last seen by seven or so unfortunate filmgoers in “Basic Instinct 2,” is on board as a widower with a dark secret.
   

• When Forrest Gump says, "I'm sorry I fought at your Black Panther party."
  
• The road trip I took with Fanky to New Orleans for Mardi Gras in the Miata. It was one of those spontaneous decisions and a semi-kidnapping on my part. Without many details, here is how the trip went: left out for Mardi Gras. Stopped in Shreveport and won $300 and drank lots of free beer - not enough to get drunk, but enough to fill the bladder. Could not regulate temperature in the car so it was either the heater full blast or the top down - I am an all or nothing kind of girl. After 70 miles of no restroom and full bladders we took an exit, drove back in time, and I unknowingly peed in a swamp. Upon finding out it was indeed a swamp, I screamed, fell back in the car, yelled at Fanky to just Drive! and then cried because I did not want him to see my butt. Got back to present time and found hotel at about 3:30 am. Got up and had breakfast at weird truck stop with people staring and slot machines everywhere that had 0% payout. Got on the road and needed gas. Saw Vegas-style signs for a Super Texaco many miles up road. I decided to push our luck with the needle on Empty. Saw a Texaco with the biggest sign EVER and thought that had to be the one from Vegas, plus I had proof as it was a gas/video store combo. It was made entirely of wood. Got out of car, stretched, went in. Their video store consisted of 2 copies of Wayne's World and that was all. Told Merle I was going to go to the bathroom while he looked for snacks,. The bathroom had the biggest roll of toilet paper I had ever seen. I was about to sit down when i had noticed someone had taken doo-doo and marked down the side of the jumbo roll of toilet paper so you were guaranteed to get tainted t.p. no matter what. Then I looked down to my right and there was a huge hole in the floor for people to view your activities. Busted out found Fanky who looked like he had seen a ghost and was holding a Coors can in his hand. He pointed to the top of it and it was the OLD pull of tabs from the 70's. Then I looked over to my left and the owner of the store was slowly stepping up - he was big and had on overalls with no shirt. I frantically whispered to Fank, "We are gonna have to buy something or we are gonna get killed!" as I picked up a Reese's. Went to the counter which was covered with photos of the owner's recent alligator/catfish hunt. Got in car, warned another couple which had to have thought this was Vegas Texaco by yelling No! Don't Do It! This is not it! Opened my creamy milk chocolaty Reese's Peanut Butter Cup which was now all white and it crumbled in my hand. The next exit we saw The Vegas Texaco. 2 hours to NOLA, we saw a porta potty called Pot O Gold. Got to New Orleans, drank at Irish Pub in the Quarter got sleepy. Tried to find a hotel. Nearest one available was in Longview, Texas or Jacksonville, FL. Drove around most of Southern Mississippi as I did not believe anyone about the hotel room. Slept at La Quinta Hotel - in the parking lot. Since car was only a 2 seater, I woke Fanky up to switch sides every time I wanted to turn over. Had McDonalds for breakfast. Headed back toward Louisiana. Sooooo tired. Drove past New Orleans and stopped in Shreveport for hotel. Slept like babies. Went home.