Last Moving Sale Hosted by Ricki Ever In The Ricki History of Ever

No matter how cheap your stuff is at a Moving/Garage Sale, there are always people wanting to talk you down. It must be like a game for them. I am not a bargainer, I do not do well in Mexico where nothing is priced nor so I do well at any kind of sale negotiation.

I posted my stuff on Craigs List today. I have a small 2 drawer dresser that quite frankly is a piece of shit. But, I used it for 5 years and it works fine in the fact that it indeed holds stuff. There is no catch for the drawers, but when I want a pair of panties, I don't need 1/2 hour to siphon through all the stuff to decide what I want to wear. The drawers are only so big, so it wouldn't hold much anyway. It kept my delicates off the floor. I am selling it for $5. Up here, $5 barely gets you dick that is on every other $1 fast food menu in the country.

So I get a phone call. It is this lady telling me she is interested in the dresser. I say "OK, how far do you live from me?" It turns out it's a mere 2 blocks. But no. 20 minutes. 20 minutes on the damn phone asking me the condition of it, how much it was used what color is it, are there any scratches, what kind of wood, what color is the wood? She is looking for something really sturdy and nice. She got impatient with my information and then I got all New Yorky on her:

Ricki: Lady. It is 5 bucks. I didn't get it from Buckingham Palace.

Lady: I just want to make sure I am getting good quality.

Ricki: It is five bucks! If you want good quality, you will probably need to spend $125 for something used.

Lady: I can get a good quality dresser for $5.

Ricki. Well. Then tear your ass.

Needless to say, it did not sell yet.

Saturday a little old man came in to look at the stuff for sale. 6 times. 6 times I told him nothing in the kitchen was for sale, everything was in the living room. He then proceeded to talk me into selling him a $20 light thingy for $1, which I did just so he would leave. He stayed an additional 90+ minutes wanting everything for 25 cents and then paid me the 3.00 bill in all dimes. I sold him everything for cheap, because God bless him, he was old and probably just wanted in from the cold. That was a huge mistake because he came back 3 more times with more dimes and I somehow wound up selling him knives from my kitchen that were not even for sale. I'm sorry, that is a complete lie. I wound up GIVING them to him for nothing and now I have 1 knife. One.

I am quite offended that all my shit I value so much did not fly off the shelves. I have awesome stuff. My little library rocks and I don't think anyone in Astoria reads because the only things going are picture and coffee table books. I cannot believe nobody has bought my Snatch DVD, starring Brad Pitt, not a DVD of my Snatch. Don't call her that.

Somebody wanted to give me $2 for my cat and I told him to get the hell out.

What an adventure and I get to do it all again this weekend. I wish I had that guy that dressed up like a gorilla (Fanky says I say Grilla) that used to wave to people on Camp Bowie. But it is New York, and it probably would not work.