The Tale of The Long Journey Home

Well, I made it back to Fort Worth and the event is still a little surreal for me. As glad as I am to be back, I find myself rapidly and extremely ungracefully slipping into an ecstatic depressional funk. It shall pass, I am sure of it.

So the trip went a little something like this:

So livid pissed at my Thank-God-Former-Roommate that I scarcely recall the first 7 hours of my trip. It is a shame I lived there 7 years and was unable to enjoy my last 3 weeks of living in The Big Apple due to the antics of his selfishness, betrayal and deceit, but I am just glad to never have to deal with all that shit again. To say I do not need to meet any new friends anymore would not be fair as I met one of the most genuine and truest beings ever in the history of ever through him, so I am just going to say I hope he gets exactly what he deserves and that is all I have to say about that.

I do recall it taking me an hour to drive through Manhattan and remembering why it was I never wanted a car there. After reaching Pennsylvania, I drove through 3 separate snow storms. I drove through 2 little towns, once for Arby's and once for gas and they were the exact same in layout all the way down to the laundry mat, 4 downs down from the light on the left. I got creeped out and got gas in West Virginia instead. I passed tons of cool places without stopping at any of them due to the 29 degree temperature. Spent the first night in Harrisonburg, VA and had half way decent Mexican food. The cats thought they were in Disney World and could not believe we had such big windows.

The next morning the cats thought we were in hell because we were leaving Disney World (Motel 6) and talked for 4 hours straight. Fearing Elwood had to shit, I pulled over at a rest stop and it turns out he was just being nosy and wanted out of the cage. There are great places for rest stops through Virginia and Tennessee, most of them offering mountain views. Unfortunately, ever one I stopped at just had a view of the highway. Made it just outside Nashville the 2nd day and found another bigger better and newer Disney World for my Kitlins and got a proper fat ass fucking delite from Cracker Barrel.

Determined to make it home the next day, I bolted at 6:00 am and basically drove from Nashville to Fort Worth. It rained the whole time and right as I was coming into Dallas, I got hit by an ice storm and it sucked butt for the next 2 hours and then I was fine.

I whole heartedly admit these pictures I will post later this week are in fact the worst vacation pictures ever taken. Mainly because the are all of signs from the drivers side while trying to drive. As a bonus, here is a list of the cool places I did not go to:

Gettysburg
Antietam
Harper's Ferry
The Birthplace of Davy Crockett
The Tavern owned by Davy Crockett
Dollywood
The Smokey Mountains
The Appalachian Mountains
The Blue Ridge Mountains
Loretta Lynn's Restaurant
Graceland
Al Gore's House
The Birthplace of Bill Clinton
The Bill Clinton Post Office
The Bill Clinton Presidential Museum
Crater of Diamonds National Park
That Diary Queen in Hooks Arkansas

In my next Blog I will tell the tale of the Rental Car Return Torture of Poor Fanky, Bless His Heart.