Grossnessness,Older, The Mythical Gilley, Cricut and It's Fixin To Be December

I am so tired of being sick I am about to go beyond postal, but not quite serial killer-y. I had everything going smooth then BAM! Sniffles and sneezes. Then fever. Then dizziness and wheezing - I couldn't sleep because it sounded like demons were in the room and well, it was just me breathing. Then the coughing and peeing a little. Pneumonia. So birthday gathering was canceled, Vegas with Mr. Incredible was postponed and I think he secretly hates me now, but then again, I am paranoid everyone hates me a little right now, Thanksgiving had no taste and I am always tired. It blows like a cheap hooker. And it seems like I am a perpetual bitcher. I am.

The night before my birthday, it hit me like a tons of bricks that I was living the last few hours of my mid thirties. I have really been OK with my age for a while now and quite happy with my situation in life, as dramatic as it can be sometimes. Then I started thinking that it is more probable, especially in this day and age, that I will fall from the sky or be attacked by terrorists than to get married. So basically I am going to die alone, probably of pneumonia, and someone will spray paint SPINSTER on my tombstone. I refuse to allow this be the case. I am halfway funny and I bake, for fuck sake. Surely there is some poor son of a bitch out there that would appreciate those 2 things alone. Then I saw Jon and Kate Plus 8 - a couple with sextuplets and twins. That poor guy seemed so beat down, you can tell they have not slept in years and their idea of a fun day was a complete ass whip for me. I was exhausted after seeing all that.

MYTHICAL GILLEY SIGHTING

Please allow me to explain:

Mike Gilley is one of the coolest guys I have ever known. And then one day he just falls off the radar. Karen, one of my lifetime bestest friends has been married to Frank for like 15 years now, and Franks has always heard us talk about Mike Gilley, but he has never seen him. So he is referred to as The Mythical Gilley. Frank does not believe Mike Gilley exists. The few times I have seen Mike over the years it has been just me, so Frank thinks it is all in my head. But yesterday I had a witness:

Date: November 29th 2008

Time: 1:27 pm

Location: JoAnn Fabrics

Witness Anne Johnson

Other Pertinent Information: I have his phone number now in his very own handwriting.

I have a CRICUT scrapbook die cut machine. It even etches glass! I am so excited to get this. I have over 12 cartridges now, about 15 pounds of the coolest paper you have ever seen, stickers, photos, buttons, recipes, ribbon, glitter and anything else cool and shiny you could possibly dream of. I don't have a clue how much money I have spent. I have no idea what the F I am doing. I am so overwhelmed I cannot even fathom where to begin. I am hoping it is just the medication. You know, there comes a time in your life when you have so many options you really didn't think you had before that you are just blown away when a whole world of anything you would want to do is laid out before you. Like vacation. You want to go to a beach. So you think, I can go to Galveston. I have been there 1 million times and it smells funny but it is a beach. Then you think, well, Mexico is just a little further South. Or California would be cool. Why not just jump over to Hawaii? Fiji and Tahiti are just a few more hours from that. Phuket would be nice. Or Australia's Gold Coast. The Maldives would be awesome. Or The Seychelles. Beaches in Israel or Egypt may be nice. Or Greece. Maybe Spain. Bermuda has pink beaches. The Caribbean is clean and blue. Florida is a thought. And before you know it you are back at Galveston but you have waited too long and now all the hotel rooms are sold out so you have to spend your vacation in your backyard with a wading pool from Wal Mart and BBQ some hot dogs. And THAT is how I feel about the whole Cricut thing.

It is fixin to be December. And where is your life going?