Grossnessness,Older, The Mythical Gilley, Cricut and It's Fixin To Be December

I am so tired of being sick I am about to go beyond postal, but not quite serial killer-y. I had everything going smooth then BAM! Sniffles and sneezes. Then fever. Then dizziness and wheezing - I couldn't sleep because it sounded like demons were in the room and well, it was just me breathing. Then the coughing and peeing a little. Pneumonia. So birthday gathering was canceled, Vegas with Mr. Incredible was postponed and I think he secretly hates me now, but then again, I am paranoid everyone hates me a little right now, Thanksgiving had no taste and I am always tired. It blows like a cheap hooker. And it seems like I am a perpetual bitcher. I am.

The night before my birthday, it hit me like a tons of bricks that I was living the last few hours of my mid thirties. I have really been OK with my age for a while now and quite happy with my situation in life, as dramatic as it can be sometimes. Then I started thinking that it is more probable, especially in this day and age, that I will fall from the sky or be attacked by terrorists than to get married. So basically I am going to die alone, probably of pneumonia, and someone will spray paint SPINSTER on my tombstone. I refuse to allow this be the case. I am halfway funny and I bake, for fuck sake. Surely there is some poor son of a bitch out there that would appreciate those 2 things alone. Then I saw Jon and Kate Plus 8 - a couple with sextuplets and twins. That poor guy seemed so beat down, you can tell they have not slept in years and their idea of a fun day was a complete ass whip for me. I was exhausted after seeing all that.

MYTHICAL GILLEY SIGHTING

Please allow me to explain:

Mike Gilley is one of the coolest guys I have ever known. And then one day he just falls off the radar. Karen, one of my lifetime bestest friends has been married to Frank for like 15 years now, and Franks has always heard us talk about Mike Gilley, but he has never seen him. So he is referred to as The Mythical Gilley. Frank does not believe Mike Gilley exists. The few times I have seen Mike over the years it has been just me, so Frank thinks it is all in my head. But yesterday I had a witness:

Date: November 29th 2008

Time: 1:27 pm

Location: JoAnn Fabrics

Witness Anne Johnson

Other Pertinent Information: I have his phone number now in his very own handwriting.

I have a CRICUT scrapbook die cut machine. It even etches glass! I am so excited to get this. I have over 12 cartridges now, about 15 pounds of the coolest paper you have ever seen, stickers, photos, buttons, recipes, ribbon, glitter and anything else cool and shiny you could possibly dream of. I don't have a clue how much money I have spent. I have no idea what the F I am doing. I am so overwhelmed I cannot even fathom where to begin. I am hoping it is just the medication. You know, there comes a time in your life when you have so many options you really didn't think you had before that you are just blown away when a whole world of anything you would want to do is laid out before you. Like vacation. You want to go to a beach. So you think, I can go to Galveston. I have been there 1 million times and it smells funny but it is a beach. Then you think, well, Mexico is just a little further South. Or California would be cool. Why not just jump over to Hawaii? Fiji and Tahiti are just a few more hours from that. Phuket would be nice. Or Australia's Gold Coast. The Maldives would be awesome. Or The Seychelles. Beaches in Israel or Egypt may be nice. Or Greece. Maybe Spain. Bermuda has pink beaches. The Caribbean is clean and blue. Florida is a thought. And before you know it you are back at Galveston but you have waited too long and now all the hotel rooms are sold out so you have to spend your vacation in your backyard with a wading pool from Wal Mart and BBQ some hot dogs. And THAT is how I feel about the whole Cricut thing.

It is fixin to be December. And where is your life going?

Long Time No Blog

It's been a while since I have blogged, but here goes some recent things in my brain.

The US Presidential Election

Man, what an ass-whip. So here is my whole take on it. I did not prefer either candidate. I flip flopped on who I was going to vote for - back and forth. I managed to piss off both my Republican friends and my Democratic friends simultaneously. So on the way to the polls and still conflicted, I had to have a little talk with myself; "Ricki. You are the only one I really listen to most of the time. Who is it you really want in the White House? Vote for that one. Do it, Ricki! DO IT NOW!" So I got to the polls, ran inside and wrote in Bill Clinton. And then for a few brief moments I felt good thinking of what life would be like with Bill again and I was happy. So happy. And when I traveled to distant lands, people would ask me if I knew Bill or if I voted for him and they were happy too, just like they were when I traveled to foreign lands before. I don't want to hear about how I wasted my vote. Wasting your vote is being registered to vote and not knowing who to vote for so you just don't do anything. You let everyone else figure out what you want for you and then you probably don't want that and then you will bitch about it. It was my vote and I damn well used it to the good of my conscience. And that is all I have to say about that. I love Bill. You leave Bill alone.

Laundry

Fanky said my laundry detergent sounds like a distress call. Apple Mango Tango, APPLE MANGO TANGO!

Las Vegas

I am going to Las Vegas in a few weeks and I am stoked. The last time I went I was 16 and snuck into the casino with Devin Morow and Cargill. We were playing slots to win a Ferrari and I was terrified I was going to hit it. I think I am over that now. I am not really going to gamble anyway.

Bug

I have had the flu for about 5 days now. It sucks butt.

Elderly

I am getting old. In almost 3 weeks I will be 1 year older. Life is not how I pictured it would be 15 years ago, but I am totally cool with that. Funny how you think you want something and then it turns out you really don't want that at all. But I am having a sweet little cocktail party at Embargo, this cool Cuban bar Downtown and it will be fun having some of my peeps together.

New Shows

I am watching 2 shows I really dig now. Little Britian USA and True Blood. Little Britian is so damn funny I coughed my food across the room the first time I watched it and True Blood is cool on an almost Anne Ricey level.

Pumpkins

Johnny Burleson came over before Halloween and we carved pumpkins. In the same amount of time it took me to carve 3 whole circles to make a ghost pumpkin, he carved this awesome masterpiece of Batman looking over the city skyline with what looked like fire in the background and little tiny explosions where the candles reflected at the bottom. I even tried to be all Martha Stewart and intently used a drill and everything. I saw his and I about fell over. I felt like an idiot at first but then mine was cute and thanks to him, our house had the coolest pumpkin in all my neighborhood.

Blackberry Curve

I have a Curve now and it rocks! It has GPS, an alarm, and then all the things it is supposed to do like being a phone and all. Plus the e-mail. Man, I love the e-mail! I also have Bluetooth and it made me realize how fantastic I am at multitasking. I can find my way around, talk on the phone, sing and have a ciggy all whilst driving. My Bluetooth lady sounds like a deaf girl and sometimes I catch myself asking her "What?!?" It's kind of creepy when she repeats herself after I say that. I wonder what she looks like. I hope she doesn't look like that chick from The Ring. If she does, then I am so done with the Curve.

Request

Does anyone have that e-mail with the Olan Mills pictures where the guy made up funny captions? If so, please forward it to me.

Good Intentions

I am going to try to blog more often. And take more pictures. I have waited so long to take pictures that the $1 store in River Oaks that had a sign that read "Everything A Dollar Over A Dollar" now reads "Everything A Dollar Nothing Over A Dollar." Nothing funny about that.