Taking The Long Way

I wokeup this morning and had to go to White Plains to pick up the rental car for my long drive home. Of course the same car company, the same type of car, and the same everything is only about 6 minutes away at LaGuardia, but it is $1300 more than the rental in White Plains. Go figure. That pretty much sums up my financial problems in New York City.

So I go to Grand Central and asked for a sign that I am making the right decision and everything pointed to yes. The new train that went express, the Columbia Blue and Scarlet red floor of the new train, the smooth sailing. Until I got to the rental counter.

Even with a one way rental, you have to have a major cc and a return ticket. I did not have either. I had a debit card and no ticket. After 1 hour of phone calls, I finally sat down and cried and the lady at the rental counter saw me and gave me the car anyway. She was an angel.

I got an Impala and WOW! It is awesome; sunroof, satellite radio, gadgets I don't know what to do with and lots of room. It smells nice.

I once again asked for a sign I was doing the right thing. Led Zepplin, Goodbye Yellow Brick Road, Home, and Willie Nelson all came on the radio, one after the other. So this is it.

I am making my traveling soundtrack tomorrow night. I will have I cannot Believe I am Leaving This Place Crying CD, the I Am So Glad I Left That Hell Hole Tough Ass cd, the William Nelson/Johnny Cash CD, the Classical Music Chill Out CD, and the Upbeat Drive Fast CD.

I have to be back by Tuesday to vote in the Primary.

I am tired Y'all. When I return home I am going to go into a funk and sleep for 3 days. Then I am going to wake up and begin a new kick ass life.

This may be my last blog for a while. Then I will chronicle my trip.

Last Moving Sale Hosted by Ricki Ever In The Ricki History of Ever

No matter how cheap your stuff is at a Moving/Garage Sale, there are always people wanting to talk you down. It must be like a game for them. I am not a bargainer, I do not do well in Mexico where nothing is priced nor so I do well at any kind of sale negotiation.

I posted my stuff on Craigs List today. I have a small 2 drawer dresser that quite frankly is a piece of shit. But, I used it for 5 years and it works fine in the fact that it indeed holds stuff. There is no catch for the drawers, but when I want a pair of panties, I don't need 1/2 hour to siphon through all the stuff to decide what I want to wear. The drawers are only so big, so it wouldn't hold much anyway. It kept my delicates off the floor. I am selling it for $5. Up here, $5 barely gets you dick that is on every other $1 fast food menu in the country.

So I get a phone call. It is this lady telling me she is interested in the dresser. I say "OK, how far do you live from me?" It turns out it's a mere 2 blocks. But no. 20 minutes. 20 minutes on the damn phone asking me the condition of it, how much it was used what color is it, are there any scratches, what kind of wood, what color is the wood? She is looking for something really sturdy and nice. She got impatient with my information and then I got all New Yorky on her:

Ricki: Lady. It is 5 bucks. I didn't get it from Buckingham Palace.

Lady: I just want to make sure I am getting good quality.

Ricki: It is five bucks! If you want good quality, you will probably need to spend $125 for something used.

Lady: I can get a good quality dresser for $5.

Ricki. Well. Then tear your ass.

Needless to say, it did not sell yet.

Saturday a little old man came in to look at the stuff for sale. 6 times. 6 times I told him nothing in the kitchen was for sale, everything was in the living room. He then proceeded to talk me into selling him a $20 light thingy for $1, which I did just so he would leave. He stayed an additional 90+ minutes wanting everything for 25 cents and then paid me the 3.00 bill in all dimes. I sold him everything for cheap, because God bless him, he was old and probably just wanted in from the cold. That was a huge mistake because he came back 3 more times with more dimes and I somehow wound up selling him knives from my kitchen that were not even for sale. I'm sorry, that is a complete lie. I wound up GIVING them to him for nothing and now I have 1 knife. One.

I am quite offended that all my shit I value so much did not fly off the shelves. I have awesome stuff. My little library rocks and I don't think anyone in Astoria reads because the only things going are picture and coffee table books. I cannot believe nobody has bought my Snatch DVD, starring Brad Pitt, not a DVD of my Snatch. Don't call her that.

Somebody wanted to give me $2 for my cat and I told him to get the hell out.

What an adventure and I get to do it all again this weekend. I wish I had that guy that dressed up like a gorilla (Fanky says I say Grilla) that used to wave to people on Camp Bowie. But it is New York, and it probably would not work.

The Big Journey Home

I have about 2 weeks until I begin the journey home. It has been a long time coming, but the nearer it approaches, the more heartache I am feeling about leaving New York. Honestly, I have had more troubles here than successes, but it all goes in the scrapbook of life. It has been an adventure and that is what I basque in. I never expected to live the Donald Trump lifestyle here and it is a good thing because I never did.

I had a moving sell this weekend. It was 31 degrees out and cloudy. I only had 7 people come, I made $240 bucks and I will continue this until 2 days before I leave. If you so feel inclined, I do take donations at this point. I love my stuff and I don't even WANT to sell it, but I cannot seem to give this shit away. I am sorry if you don't want to spend $4 on my crock pot, but I love that son of a bitch and I will take nothing less. And if I don't think you will put it to good use, then it is not for sale anymore!

The cats know there is something up. Strange happenings mean change to them and they are fixin to be in a culture shock.

I am posting the route I am driving beginning early morning March 2nd, in case I come up missing or something. After being in New York so long, I am floored that I could find a place to stay for $35.99 a night when the cheapest dump here is going for about $210 per night. I am beginning my revival of living in the South with a proper Fat Ass Fucking Delight in Wytheville Virginia the first night. I have discovered there is a Cracker Barrel within walking distance which means something fried, Mac and Cheese, Sweet Tea and some kind of fruity something for dessert, followed by an evening of HBO and some good sleep.

Ok, I am going to go ride out my emotional rollercoaster for the rest of the day. I am doing the final Weed-Out of the stuff I am taking back with me. If it does not fit in the rental car, then it does not go.

DRIVING DIRECTIONS--------------------------------------------------A) 2921 23RD RD ASTORIA, NY 11105-2869 US-------------------------------------------------- 1. Start out going NORTHWEST on 23RD RD toward 29TH ST. (go 0.01 miles) 2. Turn LEFT onto 29TH ST. (go 0.25 miles) 3. Merge onto I-278 E toward TRIBOROUGH BRIDGE/BRONX/MANHATTAN/RANDALLS ISLAND/DOWNING STADIUM (Portions toll). (go 2.50 miles) 4. Merge onto I-87 N/MAJOR DEEGAN EXPY via EXIT 47 on the LEFT toward ALBANY. (go 3.10 miles) 5. Take the CROSS BRONX EXPWY/I-95/US-1 exit- EXIT 7N-S- toward NEW HAVEN/TREN TON. (go 0.20 miles) 6. Merge onto I-95 S/US-1 S/CROSS BRONX EXPY via EXIT 7S on the LEFT toward G WASHINGTON BR/TRENTON. (go 0.52 miles) 7. Keep RIGHT to take I-95 S toward G W BRIDGE/LOWER LEVEL/LAST NY EXIT (Crossing into NEW JERSEY). (go 2.55 miles) 8. Keep LEFT to take I-95 EXPRESS LN S/NEW JERSEY TURNPIKE S toward I-80/GARDEN STATE PARKWAY/PATERSON. (go 2.51 miles) 9. Take I-95 S/NEW JERSEY TURNPIKE S toward US-46/NEWARK (Portions toll). (go 12.65 miles) 10. Merge onto I-78 W toward US-1/NEWARK AIRPORT/US-22 (Portions toll). (go 1.74 miles) 11. Keep LEFT to take I-78 EXPRESS LN W toward GARDEN STATE PARKWAY/CLINTON. (go 9.31 miles) 12. I-78 EXPRESS LN W becomes I-78 W (Portions toll) (Crossing into PENNSYLVANIA). (go 125.75 miles) 13. Merge onto I-81 S via EXIT 1B on the LEFT toward HARRISBURG (Passing t hrough MARYLAND and WEST VIRGINIA- then crossing into VIRGINIA). (go 377.32 miles) 14. Merge onto E MAIN ST/US-11 S via EXIT 73 toward WYTHEVILLE. (go 0.75 miles) 15. Turn SHARP RIGHT onto LITHIA RD. (go 0.11 miles) 16. End at 220 Lithia Rd Wytheville, VA 24382-5122 US››ESTIMATED TIME: 8 hours, 45 minutes TOTAL DISTANCE: 539.28 miles--------------------------------------------------B) 220 LITHIA RD WYTHEVILLE, VA 24382-5122 US-------------------------------------------------- 1. Start out going SOUTHWEST on LITHIA RD toward E MAIN ST/US-11 S. (go 0.11 miles) 2. Turn SHARP LEFT onto E MAIN ST/US-11 N. (go 0.12 miles) 3. Merge onto I-81 S toward BLUEFIELD/BRISTOL (Crossing into TENNESSEE). (go 149.75 miles) 4. Merge onto I-40 W via EXIT 1B toward KNOXVILLE. (go 210.44 miles) 5. Keep LEFT to take I-40 W via EXIT 211A toward MEMPHIS. (go 200.34 miles) 6. Merge onto I-40 W via EXIT 10B (Crossing into ARKANSAS). (go 18.25 miles) 7. Take the CLUB RD/SOUTHLAND DR exit- EXIT 280. (go 0.12 miles) 8. Keep RIGHT at the fork to go on CLUB RD/SOUTHLAND DR. (go 0.06 miles) 9. Turn LEFT onto SOUTHLAND DR. (go 0.03 miles) 10. Turn LEFT onto I-40 W. (go 0.24 miles) 11. End at 2501 S Service Rd West Memphis, AR 72301-3000 US››ESTIMATED TIME: 8 hours, 46 minutes TOTAL DISTANCE: 579.47 miles--------------------------------------------------C) 2501 S SERVICE RD WEST MEMPHIS, AR 72301-3000 US-------------------------------------------------- 1. Start out going EAST on I-40 W toward SOUTHLAND DR. (go 0.24 miles) 2. Turn RIGHT onto SOUTHLAND DR. (go 0.03 miles) 3. Turn RIGHT onto CLUB RD/SOUTHLAND DR. (go 0.06 miles) 4. Merge onto I-40 W. (go 121.22 miles) 5. Merge onto I-440 W via EXIT 159 toward TEXARKANA. (go 9.99 miles) 6. Take the US-65 S/US-167 S/I-530 S exit- EXIT 138B- on the LEFT toward PINE BLUFF. (go 0.23 miles) 7. Merge onto I-30 W toward HOT SPRINGS/TEXARKANA (Crossing into TEXAS). (go 353.90 miles) 8. Take the TX-341-SPUR/TX-183 W exit- EXIT 7B. (go 0.15 miles) 9. Merge onto TX-183 N. (go 3.12 miles) 10. Turn LEFT onto SAM CALLOWAY RD. (go 0.41 miles) 11. Turn LEFT onto SUNDOWN DR. (go 0.16 miles) 12. Turn RIGHT onto FERNWOOD ST. (go 0.06 miles) 13. Turn RIGHT onto DOUGLAS ST. (go 0.05 miles) 14. End at 6054 Douglas St Fort Worth, TX 76114-3109 US›&rsaq uo;ESTIMATED TIME: 7 hours, 26 minutes TOTAL DISTANCE: 489.62 miles--------------------------------------------------D) 6054 DOUGLAS ST FORT WORTH, TX 76114-3109 US--------------------------------------------------››TOTAL ESTIMATED TIME: 24 hours, 58 minutes TOTAL DISTANCE: 1608.37 miles

Nerves, Winter, Old Friends, Sale, Bad Break Up, The Past

I am a bundle of nerves lately. I have become like my Momma and I am worrying about everything and everybody right now. Normally I preach "If you can't help it, then don't worry. It does no good". I feel like Atlas carrying around the weight of the world on my shoulders. I find it hard to do what is best for me sometimes.

I walked outside today and there appeared to be a mild grade blizzard going on outside my apartment. But, it subsided like 5 minutes later and now it is just bitter cold and windy.

I am so happy my old friends have been contacting me with anticipation of my upcoming move. Makes me feel all special.

I am selling all my stuff before my move and in going through it all, I am amazed at the stuff I cannot part with. Most notably, the 75 pounds of rocks which I illegally took from the beach in San Diego. I did not know it was against the law to take them until Rodney was scared I was going to get arrested at the airport at 6:00 in the morning when I had to repack my luggage because I had all the rocks in one bag and it weighed about 125 pounds. I flew from San Diego to Dallas and from Dallas to LaGuardia. I guess I figure if I took the trouble of hand picking them off the beach and flying them cross country, then I can drive them back to Fort Worth. No problem. I also cannot part with my snowman coffee cups or my Christmas ornaments. Or Halloween witch. Definitely not my Italian red enamel colander. Probably not my kitchen magnets. But, I am selling the dishes I purchased in October.

I am really sad today. Not to get all Carrie Bradshaw-y on y'all, but seriously, leaving this city is like a bad break up for me. It whips my ass on a daily basis, I am literally surrounded by a million people at any given time but I am always lonely, it is expensive, unrelenting, unforgiving, rude, fast, deceiving, wouldn't piss on me if I were on fire, and always on alert for some kind of disaster waiting to happen in which they are never prepared for and would never alert the public of. I mean they are supposed to protect us from hurricanes and terrorist attacks, but when it rains the subway cannot even run right, so I don't know. But, today I was thinking of how beautiful Lincoln Center is outside The Opera House at night in the summer with some Mr. Softee ice cream and the fountain, I thought of the countless hours I have spent wandering around The Met, my apartment as it grows empty, one person in particular I will probably never see again and I was overcome with something that was very near grief. I also have PMS which I am sure has something to do with everything at the moment.

The past is such a strange concept. The past is the past and you cannot change it. It does however affect where you are in the present and the decisions you will likely make in the future when using the past as a reference point. But the past is not who you are, it is who you were. I had a discussion with a friend tonight about a relationship she had that ended badly in the distant past. They recently, well hooked up again, and it ended badly once more. She was always very real about the bad things that happened between them in the distant past, but always pointed out here were times when they were very happy and had she carried several fond memories too. But with this recent split, she said that he pretty much fucked up the fond memories of the distant past with his recent behavior. That is quite a fete - I have had men fuck up my present tense and destroy all future thoughts of them, but I have never had one destroy all memories of him from the past. That I know of - I tend to put those thoughts completely out of range. So it may have happened and I just don't remember. Probably. Fanky reminds me I remember everything.

I am mentally spent and I do not have time for the nervous breakdown I deserve. When I get to Texas, I will probably sleep for a week. Oh, catching some sweet sweet zzzzz's.

Big Ole Move, Thumb Monkeys, Warpath, Obstruction and Shipping

I am going through all my stuff getting ready to sell the lot of it. It is amazing what one acquires over the years. I found some cool stuff I have not seen in years that I have not thought about in as long, that I am so damn sad to sell. But, it is just stuff and I am sure I will get more stuff along the way. The gorilla flashlight is already spoken for, so I am off to a good start.

I have always wanted a thumb monkey. They are so cute. I saw one at the Bronx Zoo one time and I have secretly plotted to somehow put one in my pocket ever since. It's not gonna happen, but I want one nonetheless. I don't even know what they are really called. It would cost like 50 cents a week to feed. But I am sure I would lose mine and get in big fat trouble.

I am about to declare war on McDonalds. I have the same f*cking order every time I go in there and every time I get home, it is wrong in the same way. The people that own it are Indian. From the country, India. And I am Native American, or Indian. So I guess this will be Injun vs. Eastern Injun. If they were'nt the only place around here that has Dr. Pepper on tap, I swear. . .

God, my tits are big. Every damn month they get like this. I mean sure they are fun and make nice pillows, but who the hell wants to carry pillows on their chest everywhere you go? I think that can be my excuse for moving. "Well, Mr. Landlord, I love it here, I do. I mean I love it like a son of a bitch. But my boobs got so big I had to find another apartment. In Texas. Where everything is big. Sorry."

Shipping charges are outrageous. For a little 3 pound box I literally balanced on top of my head down to the copy place, they wanted $87.29 to ship it to England. That is approximately $29.09 per pound. I am in the wrong business. I reckon a plane would pay for itself the first full load if anyone wants to go into the shipping business.