2 Things That Happened & My To Do List

I had to have a lottery ticket for tonight so I went by the convenience store by the train on the way in this morning. It is really not a convenience store as much as it is a store of bad habits – ciggies, lotto, alcohol, condoms, nudie mags, the occasional Dr. Pepper, some really bad coffee, etc. Of course I am running late again because, well, quite frankly, I just don’t care anymore. But once I am there, I do not like to wait.

This guy in front of me bought some scratch offs and some various other tickets where he shouted the numbers to the clerk with some lingo I did not understand. Then, he proceeded to talk about some such shit that I did not understand as it was in Arabic. Then he started bitching about a phone card and seemed to be getting a little irate, but it was hard to tell with the way the language sounded – kind of like when you go to order take-out Chinese and it sounds like everyone in the kitchen is really, really mad and you are gonna be in big fat trouble when they come out of there. After 5 minutes of this I was like Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde – I turned from a sweet polite Southern/Texas hybrid to a New Yorker in the blink of an eye and then back again. The conversation went a little something like this:

Me: Come on, Lee Harvey! I have a train to catch and I am running out of time.

Lee Harvey: Oh! Oh! OK!

Me: $1 Quick Pick for tonite’s big drawing.
Thanks. Y’all have a nice day!

Lee Harvey: (as I was walking out the door to the clerk)
Who’s Lee Harvey?

This is not one incident, but the people I am working for are treating me like I am ‘Down With It’ and I am really not having to do much work. They talk real slow and loud to me and they keep nodding their heads like yes. . .


To Do List

1. Go by Virgin Megastore on the way home and get Chemical Brother’s Hold Tight London.
2. Go by Ricky’s on the way home and get hair color.
3. Go by Godiva and get a big-ass piece of chocolate.
4. Get some Deli Cat
5. Change the shit box
6. Clean the house

a. Laundry
b. Mop
c. Scrub
d. Cry

e. Open the Apple Wine
f. Take out trash
g. Sweep the porch
h.Dust
i.Clean the fridge
j.Cry again

7. Drink the rest of the Apple Wine
8. Pass out and then sleep late
9. I think I want a steak.
10. Pedicure
11. Return broken crock pot
12. Read some stuff
13. Do my taxes
14. Plan trip to Texas in May
15. Possible stress release

That about does it.

Then Kirsten is coming over Sunday -Yeah! Chick Day!

Thursday Randomness

I know I have not made a lot of sense lately, but here are the thoughts for the day:

• I am on Day 2 of a health kick and I think it is making me feel like doo doo.


• Robert Rodriguez is so damn hot in a very tall, foreigny, nerdy sort of way that I can hardly look at him. Why did I not know this before? Strangely enough, he reminds me of one of my ex-boyfriends that I could stare at all day long. He hates me now. He has a pretty damn good reason to.
  
• I need to buy Deli Cat.


• My Netflix better be in.


• Thinking of doing Easter Eggs next weekend.


• My bestest friend up here has an office that smells like curry and NOT in a good way. She always smells real nice, so it is not her fault. Tis weird. She is gonna find a GREAT new job soon, so she will not be subjected to it much longer.


• A few weeks ago, I asked the question what could be more gay than Peter Pan. Alas, I have come across the gayest thing I have ever encountered. It's that Sanjaya kid on American Idol. Bless his little heart, he is just so fucking gay I am afraid he will spontaneously combust on stage one night, and nobody wants to see that shit.
• I am gonna sleep like a baby tonite.
• Must clean the apartment before Clint gets back. I mean POWER CLEAN.
• Mungry.
• I am really not in to listening to people talk about their kids today. It is such a competition here and I just cannot relate to a damn thing they are saying.
• I was looking at an old yearbook the other day, visiting with the ghost of my youth. I was e-mailing a friend and she said she found an old newspaper with a picture of her being crowned Homecoming Queen. I am glad I am not the only one with ghosts.

Lines

Here are some recent movie lines I like.

I won't name the movies, but if you really want to know, just ask me. Feel free to contribute your own.

• This is Louisianna, Boss! How you know who your Daddy is? Cuz your Momma done told you so!

• You got them bad eyes like a gypsy and I don't know why I didn't see it yesterday.

• Better ask forgiveness than permission.

• Son, you got a panty on your head.

• Every night I cut out my heart. But in the morning it was full again.
  


• Girl: You didn't know she was bad! Boy: Well, I knew she wasn't good.

• Authority forgets a dying king.
  


• Love don't make things nice. It breaks your heart. It ruins everything.
  


• I suffer without my stone.
  


• Some people hear their own inner voices with great clearness and they live by what they hear. Such people become crazy, or they become legends.
  


• What is past is prologue.

• For the heart is an organ of fire.

• She was like the water that freezes inside a rock and breaks it apart. It was no more her fault than it is the fault of the water when the rock shatters.
  


• I wanted to meet the man who could write such a long paper with so few adjectives.
  
  


• I can get a good look at a T-bone by sticking my head up a bull's ass, but I'd rather take a butcher's word for it.
  


• Of course, you idiot. I've always loved you.
  


• Who is this person that speaks to me as though I needed his advice?

• Gubmint do take a bite, don't she?
  


• I have a cow, and I sew. Now how's that for hard to relate to.

• You're not damned... I won't allow it.

• In vain have I struggled, it will not do. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.

Back To Normal Life. Sigh . . . .

Anne came to see me this past weekend. We had a great time and I think I drank a little too much wine and smoked a few too many ciggies. So many that I think I am ready to quit for real this time, Big Time. I have laughed so much that my face hurts. I really needed that.

Here are a few things in the works right now that I feel I need to call attention to:

• I am on a huge health kick starting tomorrow. I really love it when I get like this - but only after Day Three.


• I go back to MTV tomorrow for another contract gig. Money is good.


• My friend just got a new job at a different company and the announcement was published, like, in a real publication. Very impressive, indeed. Congratulations are in order and I am quite sure stress relief is well on it's way.


• I am working in the garden this coming weekend. I planted some Wisteria, Sweet Peas, Forget Me Nots, Hydraenga's, Sunflowers, Texas Bluebonnets, Morning Glories and Moonflowers. Now I just have to tidy it up.


• European trip has been postponed due to elements beyond my control. It is OK. I can take 6 weeks off in September and October, go to Texas and Europe and live the high life for a while. Maybe do very bad things that people enjoy reading and I enjoy doing.


• Who the fuck terminates a friendship because of a microwave? It is seriously the most retarded thing I have ever had to deal with - just flat out Down With It.


• I have been having some very intense and weird dreams lately and I have had 2 instances of Deja vu in a 16 hour period. I think unexplainable things are coming and I have to talk to my Funky Peeps about it.


• I have been drinking jug wine (Three Thieves) and loving it. It makes me feel young again. I shall refrain from breaking out the Grape Mad Dog 20/20, which also makes me feel young, but also tacky and poor.


• Watched Legends Of The Fall last night. Greatness.

Mondays Random Thoughts

Here some randomness for my life today:

Today is my last day at Simon & Schuster. They need to re-evaluate the position as I have had nothing to do and have been bored off my rocker.

I think I am taking the rest of the week off.

My best friend is coming in from Texas to see me. Yeah!!!!!!!!

I watched Casino Royale this past weekend and Daniel Craig is such a hottie James Bond. So hot I was a little scared and I don’t know why.

I also watched Goonies this weekend. I forgot what a damn good movie that is. I always think of Fanky when Goonies is brought up.

I just had a type-o on Fanky’s name above and I called him Fanly.
Fanky’s favorite band is Tool. He is very fanly oriented.

Last Wednesday it was 60 degrees and Springy here. Friday it snowed about 3 inches. After living here 5 years, has Texas invaded New York in such a way that the weather now changes so quickly?

There is nothing in the world like a damn good Dr. Pepper.

I miss the peaceful silence that he created for me.

There is a simple rule in life: Say what you mean and mean what you say. Why can’t people just do that? I can’t do it either.

I miss being around the horses.

I love stationary. And pens.

Sex In The City. And, In The Country.

While speaking with some of my single girlfriends in their 30’s, like myself, we have come to the conclusion that we have faced similar dilemmas in the happenings with various mates.

One thing we have in common is the attraction to the older male. The older male is my personal favorite. Now, I am not talking Anna Nicole Smith attraction to the older male – just males in the 5 to 15 years our senior attraction. They are generally more experienced in life and tend to be more experienced when it comes to specific pleasurable aspects of it. They most certainly know their way around “The Outback”, or as my Australian roomy calls The Outback, “The Bush”.

While in our youth, we used to pull all-nighters with several episodes in one night. This would tend to make every muscle in our bodies sore for the next 3 days. Of course we didn’t have real jobs so we would just call in to work so we could catch up on sleep. Nowadays, we pull all-nighters with one very brief, yet intensely pleasurable, episode and then our mouths tend to be sore the next day from all the talking. This is not all men, but some of them.

Older men tend to like to cuddle more. This leads we 30 –somethings to be in a very confused state. When younger we tended to be the ones that craved affection while the boys just wanted to go hang out with the other boys when it was all said and done. Some of them fell immediately into a coma-like slumber. Now, quite frankly I just feel the need to get the hell outta there; for it is what it is and there is no reason for them to feel they have to suck me into believing it is anything other than that, and I really don’t want anything else from them. If I did, we would hang out for the whole weekend and I would not try to escape. Older men sometimes seem stunned by the no nonsense escape mode that we exhibit.

There is one condition that select males as young as 33 start having. My friend just had her first Mister, meaning, he was an older MAN. I could never get his name right, so we just called him Cletus. I will not mention real names here to protect the innocent. Cletus had, at times, a problem with his broomstick being a little too limber to properly clean the walls in the cave. We now affectionately refer to this dysfunction as Cletitus. Another dysfunction with this encounter is it was initially set-up and put together by friends that are a couple. Now this couple thinks my friend and Cletus are not a very good idea, so they try to separate them when possible (in other words, put on the cock block). This is now referred to as Cletitus Interruptus and is quite effective as you just feel guilty for making anyone uncomfortable or feel awkward, you don’t want to fight it any longer and you wear yourself down so you eventually go home (alone). Or more accurately, you're sneaking around like two teenagers hiding from the parents.

Yet another dilemma I will speak of today is one a lot of single girls in their 30’s participate in. It is the Revisitation Of A Former Lover Syndrome. We see someone we used to see, think of all the chemistry from years ago and then eventually hook up again with this in mind. Then we see the person as they are now and we are completely disenchanted. It’s our own fault. It's hard to put the boy with the man. We have bettered ourselves and so we think they have too.

This happened recently to an old friend of mine. She experienced Revisitation Of A Former Lover Syndrome and it was all together different than she thought it would be. The chemistry was not what it could have been and with all his experiences that made him feel to be a more enlightened man, he still thought and acted like the same boy of years ago. Whenever the subject veared away from himself, he had nothing to say. He never asked anything of what had become of her in the last decade. When trying to call off this snoozer of a lovefest, my friend sent him a very direct yet sincere e-mail stating it was not a good idea and wishing him well. He then tried to make it seem like she thought it was something it wasn’t and he didn’t want a girlfriend. I hate to burst his bubble, but she would never EVER even consider for one split second that he would have a chance in hell of being her boyfriend. She was just passing the time and 'getting the rent paid.'

Lastly, I want to mention a variation of the Revisitation Of A Former Lover Syndrome that I myself suffered from. It is when something went terribly wrong years ago and the chemistry was off or maybe you were adventurous and he wasn't. You see him now that he could have changed into this wild-sex beast that is thoughtful, spontaneous and interesting. My experience failed miserably as he still is, and I presume always will be, a stupid ass.

And that is my first monthly attempt at being Carrie Bradshaw. More to come in April. Sooner, if the mood strikes me.

Beware the Ides of March

According to the Greek biographer Plutarch, a few days before the assignation of Caesar, the soothsayer Titus Vestricius Spurinna apparently warned him, "Beware the Ides of March." Caesar disregarded the warning:

"The following story, too, is told by many. A certain seer warned Caesar to be on his guard against a great peril on the day of the month of March which the Romans call the Ides; and when the day had come and Caesar was on his way to the senate-house, he greeted the seer with a jest and said: "Well, the Ides of March are come," and the seer said to him softly: "Ay, they are come, but they are not gone."

Calpurnia, who was terrified by a dream that night clung to Caesar and said that she would not let him go out on that day. But Brutus, one of the conspirators, though he was at that time thought to be one of his most intimate friends, came up to him and said, 'What do you say, Caesar? Are you going to pay any attention to a woman's dreams and foolish men's omens, a man such as you? Caesar then went with Brutus to the senate-house.

As the Senate convened, Caesar was attacked and stabbed to death by a group of senators who called themselves the Liberatores ("Liberators"); they justified their action on the grounds that they committed tyrannicide, not murder, and were preserving the Republic from Caesar's alleged monarchical ambitions. Caesar sustained 23 (as many as 35 by some accounts) stab wounds, which ranged from superficial to mortal

The last words he uttered as he fell to the statue of his friend turned rival, Pompey The Great:

Και σύ, τέκνον Βρούτε
or
Et tu, Brute?

It is believed by some that Caesar knew of the plot to take his life and allowed it to be carried out. He suffered from Epilepsy and had frequent seizures and wanted to be spared the indignity of aging. He also wanted to insure his legacy by having his heir Octavian take power under favorable conditions.

The Ides of March are celebrated every year by the Rome Hash House Harriers with a toga run in the streets of Rome, in the same place where Julius Caesar was killed.

The Allures of Thailand

My Australian roomy has gone home to Perth for a visit. On the way back to the States, he is stopping in Thailand, which is my dream destination. He will be spending a week in Phuket. Here are some of the things I would love to see in this fascinating country.


First of all, Thai food is one of my absolute favorites. Chicken satay with peanut sauce, pineapple chicken fried rice, green curry with chicken, coconut milk, bamboo and peppers, spring and summer rolls, it's all damn good.


Phuket received international attention when the 2004 tsunami hit Indonesia, India, Sri Lanka and Thailand and left thousands of residents and tourists dead, injured, missing and homeless. Since then it has been restored and is still trying to boost tourism as that is the main area of business for the island.

It's gorgeous, affordable and a little more exotic for people that generally go to Mexico, Hawaii or the Caribbean for their beach getaways. The nearby beaches of Phi Phi and The Similian Islands are also a draw. There have been several location shoots for these beaches including Bridget Jones and The Edge of Reason, The Beach, Good Morning Vietnam and for all you nerds out there, Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith.

The capital of Thailand is Bangkok. It is quite the thriving city and you can stay at the Four Seasons Hotel for about $200.

Now, to talk to women that have been to Bangkok and then talk to men who have been to Bangkok, you are gonna get 2 versions of what sounds like 2 totally separate planets, when in fact, they were both in Bangkok at the same time.

Women talk about the ancient temples and unbelievably cheap markets. They talk about the colorful silks and handicrafts and how cheap they bought that gold ring for.

Men talk about the sex trade. For $5 you can get a great massage with a Happy Ending. Their Red Light District is uninhibited and unconventional. I had the unforgettable experience of listening to 3 men talk about their separate visits to Bangkok and I went through several emotions while doing so.

First of all, I hate to hear that my guy friends have had hookers. Not only did they have hookers, but they think they are cool because they have done so. Fine, whatever.

Apparently they all went to the same night club, The Soi Cowboy (everybody just fuckin loves cowboys). There is talent in many forms here. Their favorite was one lady that was able to stick golf balls up her Hoo Hoo and shoot them across the room. For some reason I immediately felt inadequate after hearing this. And then I thought (in a Thai accent), “Ricki, why do you feel inadequate? You may be able to do such a thing, but you have never tried.” True, I have never tried. Then I thought about all the scenarios of such a fete: If I could do this, and do it well, then what would happen if I was showing off and I hit my lover in the head with a flying golf ball straight out of my Hoo Hoo and it killed him? Then I would have to go to court and explain myself and you can bet your sweet ass everybody in the country would know and nobody would talk about it more than the people from my small town. I have a HS reunion coming up, people. More than likely, I would try and have to get the golf balls surgically removed and not be able to use my Hoo Hoo for a limited time.

Then I thought, who wants to see chicks do stuff with their Hoo Hoos, golf balls and eels and various other natural and synthetic materials? Well, I kind of do, honestly, although, I am sure I would be scarred for life. I mean sure, as odd as this is, let’s ask ourselves an important question: Is what they are doing in any way remotely sexy? Hell no. And Men, would you dare put your Pee Pee anywhere near a Hoo Hoo that has just done all that stuff? Just for the record, if so, you are not getting anywhere near mine.

And that's all I have to say about that.

What The Hell . . .

Last night after 24, I was watching the news. As I do not wish to be one of those naive and sheltered individuals that stumble through life blind to the perils and troubles of this world because I am too busy trying to decide what to wear or too upset that I cannot obtain the material things my heart so desires, I have to admit I was horrified at 3 stories I saw. So much so, that I couldn’t sleep well last night and I have been pondering the images I saw for the last 14.5 hours now.

Story 1
Fire In The Bronx
There was a fire this past week in the Bronx that killed 9 children (ages 7 months – 11 years old) and a mother. A 10 year old child that was injured died this morning, taking the death toll up to 10 dead. This is sad for an obvious reason – people died in a fire. But it goes much further than that. 22 relatives lived in that apartment, 17 of which were children. They were from Mali, Africa. The apartment had 2 smoke detectors but the batteries were out from both of them. Anyone who has seen a standard NYC apartment knows that are substantially smaller than apartments in Texas and 3-4 times more expensive. I am wondering what the conditions in Mali were like that they would have to move to a small apartment in NYC with 21 other people to improve their living situation.

Story 2
101 Year Old Woman Robbed
Think of all the shit one would see living in New York City since 1906. Anyone that lives past 30 here should not have to worry about crime or pettiness because quite frankly, most of us are struggling so hard trying to balance work and survival with maybe a little fun in the mix. But, alas, no. They have video of this poor woman, getting repeatedly punched in the face so her assailant could take the $65 she had in her little purse. I might add, he repeatedly punched her in the face while she was trying to hold on to her walker.

Story 3
New Jersey Faces Deer Population Problem
Some small town, or Township as they call them, has a problem with deer getting into people’s yards. So, starting tomorrow, one township is implementing an extermination process for these deer.

“Net and bolt” is slaughterhouse-style killing. It means baiting deer with food and then trapping deer under nets, then attempting to restrain them, pressing a captive-bolt gun against their heads, and firing a retractable steel rod into their brains. The deer may struggle and kick, fracturing limbs or sustaining other injuries. Deer who move as the bolt is fired can be painfully wounded, not killed, and the struggle continues until additional shots are fired. Stress may be so acute as to cause the death of some of the deer prior to bolting.

Now, they had video of the capture of this procedure. There is an explosion when the nets fly up. It is horrible. All I could see was fear and pain. New Jersey insists the procedure is non-traumatic to the deer. That is not what I saw. They must have been too busy trying to figure out what to wear because they have obviously turned a blind eye. This morning I contacted Governor John Corzine’s Office and will continue to contact anybody else that will pretend to listen to me today.

One of the residents stated she is so sick of deer because when her grandchildren come to visit they are afraid to go in her back yard. Well then maybe they can just set up a little picnic or BBQ and force her grandchildren to watch this as it is being done and see how well they like that.

Honestly here is what I think at a million miles an hour right now:

If you choose to firmly plant your ass by the woods and habitat there for a lifetime, then you may expect to see some wildlife goin’ on there. And you need to tell your grandchildren to quit being such pussies – they are looking at deer. Bambi. Not rabid leprechauns, bloodthirsty demons or crocodiles from the Masai Mara National Reserve that had a taste for little American kids and made the journey all the way to New Jersey to have themselves a little feast. Of course her grandchildren could just go in the house and play video games where they practice shooting people in wartime or being in gangs and ‘rippin hoes’. Better yet, drive them into the city so they can see 101 year old ladies getting mugged and beaten, put them in a subway where they can worry about being stuck underground should another terrorist attack occur right then or you can even go hunting for fires in the Bronx. I mean I wouldn’t want anyone to piss themselves because they actually get to witness a docile and majestic deer quietly feeding in their grandmother’s yard. That would just be too much.

Choo Choo

The last few days I have been thinking a lot and mentally taking on the world. Here are ½ dozen or so thoughts I am batting around, in the order of my train of thought.

Fur
Now why in the hell would you want to wear the carcass of a cute animal that was more than likely skinned alive? How is that sexy or a status symbol? All it tells me is you are so vain that you don’t care what you have to kill to think you look good. I think you look ridiculous and I would not piss on you if you were on fire.

Meat
I am not ready to take on this fight. I hate it that I eat meat and I have no excuse. I am PMSy and I really want a steak. Hell, I’d chew off my own arm right now if I could find some A-1 Sauce in this building.

Peter Pan Peanut Butter
Just as I was licking my finger after sticking it in the peanut butter jar last night, I realized the numbers on the lid were part of the recalled batch that was supposedly contaminated with Salmonella. Well, I am still here and not sick at all. Bullshit if I am throwing it out. Letting all those little peanuts shed their shells in vain? I don’t think so.

Peter Pan
I really cannot think of anything more gay than Peter Pan. Even my gayest of gay friends think Peter Pan is so gay, it is embarrassing to them. You could stick Sam Elliot in a Peter Pan suit and it would still be gay and he is the mannest man-man ever! In every stage version a chick plays Peter Pan. I was not aware the Theatre industry was short of gay men these days that did not want to wear tights and fly around. And they named a peanut butter after it. Which means I am eating really gay nuts. Hmmmm. Watch his balls, Sally.

Aunt Sally’s Pralines
Have you ever had a praline from Aunt Sally’s In New Orleans? They are great. And are somehow associated with Café du Monde.

New Orleans
If I could get a job there, I swear I would move there, set up shop and write scary stories.

Scary
Clint and I watched Jeepers Creepers the other night. I never wanted to see it because I thought the title was stupid, but that was some scary shit. Later that night we both heard a noise and ran out of our rooms, met in the living room and I grabbed a butcher knife and the thing you sharpen knives with. So if I had to stab a monster and my knife got dull, then you know, I could take a break and sharpen it real quick. Then Clint got in trouble for laughing when I was trying to kill a monster and save our lives. I can be so stupid on a daily basis.

My Mind
And that is how my mind constantly works. Smartly or stupidly – sharp as a knife.

Heated Debate On Addiction

This just really chapped my ass this morning.

On Good Morning America today, they had an expert that is trying to make a point that addiction is a disease that has something to do with the brain. My roommate agreed. I do not.

Here’s my thinking:

I consider a disease to be something that perpetually attacks the body. There may or may not be a cure. Certain conditions may contribute to a disease developing. There is nothing voluntary about disease.

I believe addiction is different. To me addiction is self chosen and not a mental disease. I believe it has to do with self control and strong will. I have addictions – ciggies, sleeping aids, chocolate and on occasion I do like to gamble and I usually go a little nutty when I do. I smoke because I like it, I eat chocolate because it tastes good, sleeping aids help me to sleep better and gambling is fun to me - I am highly competitive (not a disease). There is a cure for these things. Don’t buy ciggies, eat fruit instead, drink chamomile tea and keep your money in the bank. These are not medical miracles, but just common sense. Had I never picked up a ciggy, I would not be addicted to them. I chose to do so. I do not consider my addiction to be a disease. I don’t like it that I am addicted, but it is my own damn fault.

If people have Multiple Sclerosis, Parkinson's Disease or Small Pox, they are truly afflicted by disease. If you are addicted to cocaine, you are afflicted by inner demons and the desire to obtain the high cocaine gives you.

People who smoke have a good chance of getting cancer and people who drink have a good chance their liver is gonna be jacked up. You know these things but you do them anyway, and not because you are diseased. Doing these things while knowing the risks may make you stupid, but stupidity is not a disease either.

My Uncle Butch smoked cigars daily, dipped, ran moonshine during prohibition and therefore drank the liquid fire on many occasions during his lifetime, however, when he died in his sleep at 88, he had no cancer and no cirrhosis found in his body. There are people who have never taken a drag of a ciggy that may develop and even die from cancer. Not all addictions lead to disease and not all disease is caused from addiction.

Now, I am not unsympathetic toward addicts. I am not saying in the least that if your addictions caused a disease, then you got what you deserved. I am all for people being as happy and healthy and as far from death and pain as possible. I just find it hard to justify saying a heroine junkie has a disease of the brain and that is why he is addicted to heroine. People with Alzheimer’s have a disease of the brain and believe me, they knowingly did nothing to develop or contribute to that disease.

I strongly feel there is a big difference between dependency and disease & conditions and disease. You can kick dependency. It won’t be easy, but it is doable. If you become addicted to painkillers, your body becomes conditioned to them, but it is not a disease in my opinion. You can get that out of your system. You may remember how great you felt while taking them, and you may miss it, but you are not diseased. It will totally suck, but you can do it. There are people that want more than anything to get The Big C (cancer) out of their body and they can’t because IT’S A DISEASE; they are not addicted to cancer.

There is also a difference between mental conditions and diseases of the brain. If your brain is not physically developed or there is physical evidence of some sort of chemical imbalance or a tumor of some kind, then you may very well have a disease. If your thinking is just f’ed up, then you have a condition or you are just not right in the head and that does not necessarily mean you are diseased.

I may be right and I may be wrong. I may just be a hard ass. But I think if you have an addiction, you should take full responsibility for it and not put it off as disease when there are people out there truly suffering from disease. Yes, there are exceptions to the rule, i.e. crack babies that are born addicted. They are not diseased though, they are addicted. It is not their choice and therefore, should not have to take responsibility for it. Later in life when they are 30, if they become a user, then that is what they have chosen to do and then should take responsibility for their addiction and not blame it on disease or even their crack addict mothers 31 years prior.

I could go on but I won’t. I am just all over the place on this one at a million miles an hour, but it all leads to the same conclusion: addiction is not disease. It is closer to weakness than disease.

That’s all I have to say about that unless someone has something to contribute.

Tips from Rick – Living in Yankee Land

I am constantly torn between New York City and Texas. I love them both. It is much, much easier to live in Texas and I find the quality of life is immensely better. New York is special and what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

I have lived in New York City for the past 5 ½ years, for a total of 7 years of my lifetime. I hear people all the time – friends, strangers, tourists – say they “could easily live here”. I love New York, don’t get me wrong, but it is not for everyone no matter how much they want it to be. It is not for me some days, most days lately. So, I would like to clear up some misconceptions that people may have and give some tips for people seriously thinking about going through with such a move.

The Boroughs

New York City consists of 5 Boroughs: Manhattan (The City), Brooklyn, Queens, The Bronx and Staten Island. It also occupies some surrounding areas including Ellis Island, Governor's Island, Riker's Island, Randall's Island, and Roosevelt Island.

I think a big misconception is about Queens, thanks to movies like Coming To America. Queens is not a slum area. It covers 109 Sq. Miles – about the size of Tampa, FL. It has some good areas and it has some slummy areas. I live in Astoria, Queens and I would not live anywhere else in New York City.

Friends, Sex and The City, and Reality

Here is a reality check.

Rachel worked in a coffee shop and lived in a huge 2 bedroom apartment, dressed in great clothes and had all kinds of money to do pretty much whatever she wanted. In reality her apartment she shared with Monica would be at least $4,000 a month, if not way more, plus bills. Daddy was rich, but she is supposed to be doing this on her own.

Same thing with Carrie Bradshaw. Before her book deal, she wrote for a paper. People here that do that, make about $40k per annum. Not nearly enough to pay rent for the location she is living in (Upper East Side), afford Manolos, buy more than one drink (usually between $12-$16 each) at the swanky velvet-roped places they frequent, not to mention the stocking of the rest of her wardrobe. And, they take cabs EVERYWHERE. Real New Yorkers don’t do that. You use the damn trains! Cabs are a luxury even the pickiest of financially comfortable New Yorkers do not do more than twice a week at most. I am only able to take them when I go to and from the airport. My bosses only take them when the company is reimbursing them for the ride.

Random Tips

If you buy it, you carry it. Including groceries or the 10 boxes of shoes that you found for $5 pair. And you probably carry it for more than 10 blocks. And if you do plan on taking a cab, there is not gonna be one when you want one. Next time, you will be choosy and buy just 3 pair.

There is no such thing as a matinee movie here. It is always $12.

Good home cooking, decent Mexican food and eatable BBQ do not exist here. Just give up right now. The BBQ you may can get, but with a beer it will cost you about $40 each, and it will be ribs, not brisket. Brisket here is a tough roast swimming in BBQ sauce.

This horrible and not right, but we do not live in a perfect world. Stereotypes exist for a reason, and every single one of us falls into some sort of stereotype. As wrong as this is, it could very well keep you from being mugged, swindled or from getting your ass beat. Now, I am not telling you to be shallow or mean. Before you judge a book by its cover and firm up an opinion of someone, give them a fair shot. On the other hand, there is no learning curve if you are a dumb ass, so just use your brain a little and be aware of your surroundings. I am just saying if you are in the West Village where there are a bunch of homosexuals in a big gay bar that are going crazy to a Madonna song, then don’t bad mouth Madge, even if you think she is a whore with no talent or religion, or you WILL get bitch-slapped (personally, I love Madonna); if you are in Harlem around a crowd of manly African American males, don’t speak ill of Malcolm X or Beyonce; don’t talk about how great Dirk Nowitzki is or snack on bacon in public in a Jewish neighborhood, and if you are in Spanish Harlem, even if you don’t agree with it, you need to appear to think everyone should learn Spanish and don’t ever bring up the Alamo. And if you can’t say nothin’ nice, don’t say nothin’ at all, to anybody. Nobody likes a dickhead, whatever your race, religion or sexual orientation.

I bought a new car up here once. The car payment was $450 a month. The insurance for that car was $810 per month. You do not need a car up here if you make under $120,000 per year, and even if you do, you will still need to make sacrifices.

You do not just go and get an apartment here. They have to interview you first. If they like you and feel you are a safe candidate and you beat out the other 150 people looking at the same apartment within the hour, then you have to spend 1 month deposit, first and last months rent and a realty fee of equivalent to a month of rent. So if you are lucky enough to find an apartment for say, a cheap $1,200 a month, then to get into that apartment, you will have to have $4,800 up front.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with public transportation. It is safe, cheap and reliable and most times, faster than a cab.

In your paycheck, they take out Federal Tax, New York State Tax and New York City Tax. If you live in New Jersey and you commute to NYC to work, they also take out New Jersey Tax.

You do not wait in line here. You wait on line. I don't know why. I think they were saying it way before Al Gore invented the internet.

You have to tip the mailman around Christmas or you are not gonna get all your mail all the time. You should also tip your landlord and doorman, should you have one.


Cool Stuff New York Has That Not Every Tourist Sees

The Garment District which also has some cool craft shops

The Diamond District. It is so shiny.

Brooklyn Heights cool Italian neighborhood (The one in Moonstruck)

Brighton Beach’s Russian vodka bars and restaurants

Little India

Astoria Queens was named the most culturally diverse neighborhood in the world in Time Magazine a few years back. They have GREAT Greek food and customs. And my backyard.

If you liked Da Vinci Code, you can have a free day looking for symbols. Just bring your camera and take a good look at all the buildings. You will find some really cool stuff, inside and out.

A lot of churches here are like the cathedrals in Europe. My favorite is St. Bart’s on Park at 50th. (see photo)

In the summer there are street festivals nearly every weekend.

Mr. Softee. Horrible name, bless his heart, but he has good ice cream.

Bryant Park shows movies every Monday night at dusk in the summer. Bring a picnic and some wine.

You don’t have to pay full price at every museum. The Guggenheim and the private museums you do. Places like The Metropolitan Museum of Art where they say ‘Suggested Price’ you tell them how much you want to pay. I go several times a year, so I never pay more than $2 – the suggested price is $12.

The Hell’s Kitchen Food Festival. You can try different dishes for $2-$3, like Coconut Curry Beef (mmmmmmm) or Cuban dishes. Desserts too.

Bootleg Lady. No, she is not handicapped, she sells illegally copied DVDs. She doesn’t speak English and after 5 years, she cannot get it through her head I have no bebes. But, she is real sweet. She drives a red van and she works Sat and Sun 11-3, rain and police pending.

Gelato. It’s Italian ice cream. It is fantastic.

Feel free to ask any questions that you may be pondering.

Dress Up To No Good

This picture is not of me.

I got my first request for a blog that I will be happy to oblige. It is from my lifelong friend from good old CHS, Kathy Smith.

Kathy Smith, Karen Corpier and I were the best of friends. We were all pretty cool chicks, we didn't take bullshit from anyone and we all had each others backs. There was barely a weekend that went by that we were not together for some part of it. I was told later in life by several different people on more than one occasion that we were thought of as the meanest girls in school and when we would walk down the hall together some people would tremble in our wake. This is ironic to me because just about everyone that signed my yearbook said I was the sweetest girl they knew. Was somebody lieing?! Because if I find out, and I assure you, I will, I will go get Kathy and Karen and we will kick the sh . . . just kidding. It is a wonder I have not suffered a huge identity crisis my entire lifespan.

It is a given that teenagers from a small town with small change in their wallets will find things to do to entertain themselves. Yes, we should have been volunteering for services that aid in the sick, elderly or needy, but girls have gotta have fun, right? Besides, we all had jobs, we all were up to our ears in school activities that took up 80% of our free time and we were 18, thought we had paid our dues and felt entitled to do pretty much whatever we wanted since the world was our oyster and we were about to be free to grab it by the balls and own it.

We used to make up little adventures when broke and bored and nobody was having a party. Sometimes we would stalk boys we liked. Sometimes we would TP somebody’s house. We felt the need to occasionally express the artist inside of us and shoe polish the streets with messages of truth and things our world needed to know. Things of the utmost importance, i.e., “Hell-Off, Bitch!” complete with the comma in case Mrs. Overman were to drive by and see us. One thing was consistent on all these adventures which made complete sense at the time – we had to dress up so as to conceal our identities. This started off fairly simple. We would all wear black clothes and a black hat so we would be invisible in the dark. This worked for a few weeks and later in life to be fair. But we needed more.

One Thanksgiving night, we decided it was high time to TP Jeremy Pent’s house. This was going to be a challenge because Jeremy Pent lived in a huge house with a circular driveway on a huge hill that we would have to hike up. We drew a map, had a plan, got $20 from momma, and stole some toilet paper from my house. Now we had to get creative. We decided that dressing up as elderly ladies was the best thing we could do for this operation. So, old flowery skirts, knee-hi panty hose rolled down to our ankles, powder in our hair that we had up in buns, big coats and we drew wrinkles on our faces. Tennis shoes for hiking. Karen had an umbrella and Kathy had a cane.

We parked Kathy’s get away car down the road. We waltzed all hunched over to his yard then gracefully climbed to the top of the driveway. We were throwing TP like there was no tomorrow with such skill and speed that it would have impressed any MLB scout. Then came Jeremy’s family car. We were stunned. We forgot the part of the plan if they came home. So we all hit the ground and started rolling down the hill at top speed. I remember seeing Karen’s legs flying and puffs of powder coming off her head. When we got to the bottom, I started running and Kathy barked at me, “Hey! Quit running! You are gonna give us up!” Because old ladies traveled in threes and rolled down hills at 60 MPH and I was being SOOOOO out of character. So, we walked hunched over to the car, got in and peeled out. You know, like the elderly do. Then we went to iHOP and had pancakes.

Still, we were insatiable. The 3 of us were in choir together and all Mr. Duke's helpers. While cleaning out the Costume Closet one day we ran across some COOL costumes that we decided to borrow for the nights shoe polishing, which we also borrowed. Kathy was going to go as Little China Girl with full makeup and one of the costumes from Flower Drum Song complete with funky shoes, Karen was going as Thomas Becket and I don’t know why, and I was Carmen Miranda with my 2 foot tall fruit hat. Years later they asked me for that hat and I was quite offended they thought I had it. Which I actually didn’t, when they asked. I had to get rid of that evidence years before.

So, we got in character, hopped in Kathy’s car and just went to town. I am thinking we were thinking her car was like Wonder Woman’s plane and nobody could see us as long as we were in it. It was a safe and comfortable haven.

Yes. We were bad, bad, bad. So here is one of our adventures that prove we had good hearts and we did actually care for this world. In particular, the little things.

We were going to the Cinema V $1 movie one day after school. When passing the mall, we thought it would be a good idea to save the cute little white mice at the pet store from the snake feedings. So we went in, covertly grabbed some mice and stuck them in our pockets and purses. Went to the movies, left mice in the car and then when we got to Kathy’s house we set them free in the backyard. We were saviors of the world and doing good things for nature. We would be the sole reason cute little white mice would not go extinct in our lifetime. We did this on several occasions. Pretty much every time we passed the mall which was pretty much all the time. Then one day while at Kathy’s, Betty (Kathy’s mom) commented on how fat Katy’s cat was getting. OOOOOoooooohhhh . . . . . The road to hell is indeed paved with good intentions.

Having A Craving for Something Almost 20 Years Extinct

Do you remember when Pizza Hut had a high-end pizza in the late 80's, early 90's called Priazzo? It was like a pie, meaning 2 crusts with the toppings in the middle and it was just really really good. I never went to Pizza Hut much after they stopped carrying it. I would give $50 for just a piece of one right now.

So please, for the love of God, go to http://www.pizzahut.com/contact/ and ask them to bring it back. Let me know if you do so I can ride their ass appropriately.

If you do this for me, I will share my Priazzo with you. I will even buy.