Throwing Food Again, Forrest Gump, VH1 Rock Honors, ZZZZZzzzzzs at Work, The Wizard of Oz & Courtesy Laughs

I have absolutely no aim when I throw stuff. Today I accidentally threw a bagel with cream cheese at a bum. I DIDN'T MEAN TO! I was aiming for the trash can and I mean I put some arm into it and I missed. There was a bum dozing on the other side of the can that I didn't see and it hit him. He jumped up and I was going "Oh God! I am sooooooo sorry! I didn't mean to! I would never do that! (He doesn't know I have intentionally thrown food at people before, so it is just a little white lie) Shit! I'm sorry!" Then he laughed and everything was OK.

I watched Forrest Gump again last night. Greatness. I always find a new part that is my favorite every time I watch it. Fanky is my favorite person to see this movie with.

Try to catch Rock Honors on VH1 this weekend. My friends from Save The Music hosted this show in Las Vegas and it is really good this year. They have performances by Alice In Chains, Nickelback and Queens of the Stone Age. This years honorees are Heart, Genesis, Ozzy Osbourne and ZZ Top. Talked to my people at VH1 and they said it was a great show!

I am at MTV today and I am the only one on this floor. I think I am going to sneak out and go see Shrek 3 and then come back at the end of the day.

Somebody in this department just loves The Wizard of Oz. That movie creeps me out so damn bad it is not even funny. It is right up there with The Shining and The Ring and TheExorcist for me. First of all, there are all those Willy Wonka-esque short people. Then there is the old man with the booming voice. Being carried away by a tornado would not be cool in the least. Oh! And the worst is the evil flying monkeys! How f'ing creepy is that?!?!?!

I feel bad for people that think they are funny and they are not. I have a really good courtesy laugh though. I should have been an actress. I swear I could win academy awards left and right. The picture you see is of all the awards I would have won by now had I started when I was 4. No. It was an exhibit in NYC and you can see where I work outside the window there.

Super Skinnies, The Tabooest Comment Ever, Smells and Memories, My Plan & Pizza

OK. I had this boss that is super skinny. So skinny that I was afraid to walk down the street with her for fear she would blow away from air caused by the cars driving by. She was always lecturing everyone on health. I used to feel kind of unhealthy for having a Dr. Pepper and a ciggy for breakfast. That was untilI heard this chick has a cup of warm water for breakfast. I am sure on days she splurges she may add an ice cube to it. Yeah, I wasn't kidding.

I was laughing earlier at something one of my close friends said to this guy after meaningless sex. He is one of those annoying guys that you have to keep in thier place as they will run over you the first chance they get. This particular guy is one of those that believes if you think something that is not along the lines of what he thinks, he just brands you as being flat out stupid. He is a real prick but it still floors me that she asked him "What's up with your dick, Man?" I think he had a little problem. . .

Sometimes I will come across a smell that ignites a memory from long ago. When I try to express this to people, they find it to be weird. For instance, I was walking through a hall in this building and I blurted out "It smells like Kindergarten" and the person I was with just could not fathom what I was saying. There was no other way to describe it. I have used this expression to descibe other events and places like Halloween 1975, Six Flags, Paris Bus Stop, Howdy Dance and Football.

I have a new plan. If, or when it works, I will blog all about it.

The pizza in New York is so damn good. Before I leave this place, I am going to figure out how to make it. I think maybe fire is the key.

Bad Girl Blog - Arrested Development, Reminiscing, Happy, NYC vs. TX, Grudges and Who I'd Do On 24

I am in a wierd mood today.

OK, say this out loud. Bob Loblaw Law
Now say it again really fast. When you quit laughing, go out and purchase Seasons 1, 2 & 3 of Arrested Development. It is brilliant and worth every penny.

I go back to work for MTV tomorrow and Friday. I have realized I have worked less than I have had days off this year. Yeah, I am Broke Bitch Mountain, but I am happy, so what do I care?

Speaking of happy, hey Fanky, do you remember that time I got real mad at you back in 1990 and we didn't talk for 4 months until we were at that party after my Prom and we found that 5 pound bag of weed? Yeah, it was old and dried up, but what did we care? We and about 200 other people were really really happy. That was the nicest thing Rodney's Mom ever gave me. I don't think she knows she gave it to me. She really didn't give it to me, Rodney did, but I am sure I would be in some sort of trouble for it anyway. Bless her heart. Bless MY heart.

Speaking of parties, people in New York City just don't know how to hang out and have a great party like they do down in The Great Lone Star State. I mean, it is OK, but everyone is a little uptight and hanging out takes some effort and you always have to be ON. I don't know. People that come over to my place seem to have a good time hanging out - no pressure, plenty of food and booze, good stories, some cats, plenty of laughter, a soft place to crash, etc. Maybe I am just homesick. Maybe I am just at ease with My People. I mean, I have People up here too, but it is different. I am fortunate I can find People pretty much anywhere I go. I found some People in France once, just for bit. It could be I am just hankering for a good party.


I was thinking of some of my prior jobs here. I have worked some really cool gigs with some really cool people. I have also worked with some real shits. I mean these were not fun for me and if it is not fun I pretty much have no intention of staying around. I know that is not real good, but let's face it; I am in my 30's and I am just not real eager anymore. I would be way ecstatic to work for myself someday. Anyway, I find the Executives at bigger Sports and Entertainment companies are way more laid back than anyone in the medical field. I realize that one is life and death and one entertainment. I mean Football can be life or death too, but not in the same sense. NYU Medical was pretty life or death especially since my first day there was 9/11 and I learned how to set up a triage center in the kitchen. The OTHER medical gig was not a life or death clinic and some of them were the miserable damn people I have ever had to be around. Like the night shift at the morgue by myself would produce more engaging conversation than some I have had there. The good people were great, but honestly, I would not piss on most of them if they were on fire. Oh, I am not totally heartless. I would walk to find a bum to piss on them as long as it was not more than 3 blocks, it would have to be going downtown and the bums would have to find their way to the fire. Damn. I am a little harsh. Sorry.

OK, on a lighter note and just for fun, here's is who I would do on 24:




Jack Bauer. I actually met Keifer when I worked at VH1. Nice guy, but much shorter and smaller than you would envision Jack to be. I'd still do him.




President Wayne Palmer. He is the Brutha on my list. He does have a heart condition so I may have to skip it for his benefit.





Bill Buchanan. The older man that is possibly the coolest bastard on the whole damn show.



Rick Schroeder. I loved him back when he was on Silver Spoons. But, he is a staunch Republican, so no. He did play my Mom's best friend's husband Calvin Graham on Too Young The Hero. Calvin joined the Navy when he was 14 and lied about his age at the time. He won a Purple Heart and did all kinds of courageous things only to be stripped of his medals and honors when they found out he was too young to actually be in the military. At his funeral, one of his buddies put a Purple Heart on his coffin. I bawled like a baby.




Julian Sands is so damn hot. On 24 he is dead. So I would have done him, but not so much anymore.






Milo Pressman. Good guy that looked like a bad guy. He is a dead too.




Vice President Noah Daniels. He is from Texas and he was in Tombstone. Just about 2 of my favorite damn things. Plus on 24, his wife died so he gets the sympathy F.



Morris O'Brien. He is not that hot, but he does pull off bald well. And that accent. God, that accent just melts me.

24, Mrs. Mayou, Possessed Shit Box and No Ciggy In A While

I just McDonalded (new word) again to get another Puss In Boots glass. No, I don’t NEED it, but I WANT it so I don’t have to go home and wash dishes. You have to admit he is so damn cute.

24 Season Finale tonite. 2 hour event and then I am done with TV until September.

I hate it when people try to suppress my free spirit. 'Why or why does the caged bird sing?' I'll tell you why. Because he is being a prick and I am singing to keep from crying out of rage, Maya Angelou, thank you very much.

I tell you, I feel like I have been writing about my hospital pitfalls for a while now. It has been almost 2 weeks since my release and I still feel floaty, I still sound like Demi Moore and I feel 'not right'. I do feel better, but just not normal. Or maybe I feel normal now and I never felt normal before. Or maybe, just maybe, I was normal all along and nobody else is. All I know is I have lost time.

Speaking of losing time, it was 2:30 am and I wanted a really good cup of coffee. Of course I thought it was 9:30 pm the night before. So, I made the last of the Trader Joe's Moka Java and sat on the couch to wallow in my splendor. About the time I was about to take the first sip, I heard what sounded like a demon spatting out my name. I get so creeped out when I hear my name being whispered or said in an unnatural way. I jumped up and spilled the coffee and then the cup fell and shattered on the ground. I screamed, grabbed a butcher knife and decided to confront my fears, knock them down and stab them on the way to the back door. I then realized my demon was just Elwood in the shit box being annoyed at Isis for not letting him have a little peace. No one was stabbed. I didn’t get to sleep until 7:00 am.

I have not smoked in a long time. Would somebody PLEASE just give me a fucking cookie?

Shrek 3, Funnel Cake, Cool Bird, Surf and Driving With Wigwam

Shrek the Third comes out today. I went by McDonald's to get the Donkey and Puss In Boots glass before they are gone. That sounded like a commercial, didn't it? It is my new iced tea glass. The first time I saw Shrek someone had to about near beat me to do it. But it was so good! The 2nd one was even funnier. I swear they are not kids movies. Boot Leg Lady may have it tomorrow, but I think I want to see it on the big screen. Long gone are the days when I would chase her car down in the rain to obtain her wares. Bless her heart.

Speaking of kids movies, I have to tell you about the time Clint and I went to see Boogeyman, which is ridiculous in itself. Some of the AMC theatres here sell more than just popcorn and hot dogs. The one we went to on this night had funnel cake, deep fried, oh so soft and covered with powdered sugar. They make them fresh so you have to wait a few minutes if that is indeed what you ordered. Best to get it with the fried chicken too. That way you have a chance of having a heart attack if you think the movie will be bad and it will give you an excuse to leave. Anyway, we were splitting a funnel cake and we each got a Coke. Well, the day we went there were tons of kids present seeing I don't know what. So we ordered and they made the piping hot funnel cake and handed it to me while Clint was paying. I am short and when I reached up to get the cake off the counter it got too close to my face and I got powdered sugar up my nose. I sneezed on the funnel cake and a cloud of more sugar flew up in my face and it got in my eye. I then dropped the cake on the counter and covered my eyes and said "Oh God! Oh God! It burns! I can't see! Oh, it burns!" Well, apparently this other kid got funnel cake the same time we did and he looked at his cake and threw it on the counter and ran off crying and his mom went running after him. I had since recovered and so since he was as good as long gone, I took his funnel cake because mine had sneeze on it and then darted into my scary movie which I was sure he was not there for. I don't think many were there for that. Anyway, I love the shit out of funnel cake.

I was having coffee and no ciggy outside in the garden this morning and this really cool looking tan bird with a bright yellow chest and looked like he was wearing a black mask around his eyes came and sat on my chair with me and sang to me. He then sat on the roses and we hung out for a good 30 minutes. I am going to build a bird feeder now. I gave a bird feeder to someone once. He said it was the best gift he had ever received. Too bad I fucked that up by giving him a microwave for Christmas, which I wanted to get him falconry lessons, but it was an issue. How cool of a gift would that have been? I wish I didn't miss him. C'est la vie.

Whilst doing laundry I discovered Surf smells so damn good. I also like the smell of Cheer and Gain. No Tide. No, no, no, no.

I really wish I had a car today. I made a CD for Anne called Driving With Wigwam. I would love to drive to the mountains today blaring that CD. It is really more of a driving through the desert kind of CD, but I don't have much desert around here.

Gypsy Cabs, Martha Stewart Wants To Be Me, The Painted Veil, Halloween Christmas and Dirty Laundry

I caved and took a gypsy cab to Home Depot today. Gypsy cabs are diffent than Yellow Cabs as they are not metered and you have to bargain for a price before you get in. They are generally more hard core and you have to stand your ground, which is so hard for me to do sometimes. Anyway, got to Home Depot and got a new weed eater that was originally $80 for $28, so I am happier. Of course, I had to put up with a lot of shit and I almost cried. This is almost a good enough reason to get married so I would not have to go this route alone. Marrying just so I do not have to go to Home Depot alone - believe me, people have gotten married for much much less.

Martha Stewart wants to be me. Today, I sewed a hole in my skirt, planted some flowers, did the lawn, cleaned the apartment and made it smell like oranges, petted me some cats until they were purring and sleeping. I am about to go home and make an Apple Caramel Cake and some Cowboy Shepard's Pie with home made yeast rolls. I will then dine with fresh flowers I cut from the garden and watch The Holiday.

The Painted Veil - Ed Norton is so damn hot. Like Nerdy Hot, which is my favorite kind of hot. Sinister Hot is good too, but nerdy takes the cake. He is smart and talented and for some reason you just know he is the nastiest bastard you have ever met. Yeah, I am way into him and those like him.

So for my 30th Birthday a while back, I had a Halloween Christmas party since I couldn't be home for Halloween or Christmas and I was home for Thanksgiving. People wore costumes and I decorated pumpkins with Christmas features and did a tree with Halloween decorations. We had Reindeer and Vampire wine and lots of beer Fanky got. I remember Anne and I were over at Fanky's house preparing for the party and he came home after running the Fort Worth Christmas Parade. Bless his heart. He had been up for days and was so tired and he looked like Nick Nolte's mug shot when he walked in the door. He said that Santa was the Grand Finale for the parade and he rode in a brand new Dodge truck and the engine caught on fire and there were flames and kids were happy and then scared and they clapped a little bit and then started crying. Anyway, I may have to have another Halloween Christmas in the next few years.

Tomorrow, I have to do laundry. I may add some lavender that I grew to make the sheets all calming.

Well I never seem to do it like anybody else

Maybe someday, someday I’m gonna settle down

If you ever want to find me I can still be found

Takin’ the long way around

Firey, Sleeping Like A Baby, Remember That Time and Baking Like A Son Of A Bitch

I am trying to keep busy while off work. I have now set my sights at becoming a Master at BBQ. Yesterday at 4:15 I built a fire with no lighter fluid and only 4 pieces of rolled up paper. I cooked sausage, turkey, chicken, corn, potatoes and squash. It was a nice night and a little windy out and so I went outside about 10:30 and opened the grill. The fire was still going and I sat out there with it until about 1:30 in the a.m. It was like my own little fireplace. Between recovering, not smoking and everything else, I feel like I have lost time so the 3 hours I sat outside felt like nothing to me. I have deep thoughts lately. By the way, the picture on this blog is of my Weber Simpson's Grill Joe and Candace got me for my 30th birthday, otherwise known as Halloween-Christmas. Still works like a charm. I would like to have another Halloween Christmas party soon.

After I went in the house, I slept like a baby. I mean the best sleep I have had in years. I guess it helped Key Food had Deli Cat and Isis and Elwood finally had some food they like. They too slept like kittens. Probably exhausted for being so unbelievably malevolent towards me for the past 2 days.

I love playing Remember That Time, especially with Fanky. When outside last night I was remembering when I affectionately referred to him being a vegetarian as his 'Bean Burrito Phase'. During this phase, I decided to move and he was helping me. We went and saw Mamaw and she was making hamburgers. She makes the best damn hamburgers ever - crispy on the outside and juicy on the inside and makes them in a cast iron skillet. They taste like magic. Anyway, Fanky came in and Mamaw fed him not just one, but 2 hamburgers of which he devoured and then he was pissed at me for putting him in the path of Mamaw's Magic Meat. Happy Birthday Fanky Merly Maloon! You may be old, but you will always be younger than me.

I made Dark Chocolate Almond Coconut Bars last night. They were incredible. I want my own bakery in a small town.

Raspy, Milo is Dead, Walking Wounded, Medication and I Have Quit Smoking

After being out of the hospital almost a week, my voice has changed and I don't quite know what to think of it. Clint came home last night and we were talking and he said "God damn, your voice sounds so sexy!" It is deeper and raspy and a little phone-sexy. I thought that was real cool until I talked to Mamaw and she thought I was Kneeholeon's boyfriend.

I forgot to mention Milo on 24 got shot in the head last week. This makes me real sad as he was the hottest son of a bitch on that show. R.I.P., Milo. Your dark, sinister, Brett Fuel-esque good looks will be missed. They should have killed Chad Lowe. He is such a pussy.

Key Food is out of Deli Cat. I am now the walking wounded after 2 days of not having any and my cats are - no kidding - throwing shit at me. Isis was on the bookcase and I was laying on my bed and she looked and me and then reached over and flung my inhaler at me and it hit me right in the eye. Then she licked her paw and stuck her butt in the air. I am sure I am just taking it personally, so I cried. Please read the following paragraph.

My meds are doing weird things to me. I am talking real fast and my mind is non-stop. I am exhausted but I can't sleep and when I do sleep I am having horrible nightmares. The other night I dreamt I was flying out of San Francisco and I was in the air and I looked across the sky from my window seat and saw a mid air collision with a dark blue plane and a small plane. They wouldn't let us land and it was horrible. We were all worried that we were about to get hit. When we did land we were in a hanger and we couldn't leave or call anyone. Also, I am a little edgy and I am feeling I need to make amends with someone but I just cannot bring myself to do it. I am hungry but everything kind of makes me sick. I am sensitive. I feel floaty. Floaty is nice, but a little strange.

I have quit smoking. I went 8 days and took 1 drag yesterday and I was SOOOOO queezed. I am finally done.

Esther Coleman Is Free, Hematomas, Failure As 007 and What The Hell Is Going On?

My hospital stay was an adventure, as usual. I was in the ER since Sunday night. The first night in my room, I looked up to find out Esther Coleman’s meds flowing through my veins - with her 11/23/1967 birthday and all her other pertinent information still on the label. I got a dirty look when I asked. I got lots of dirty looks when I ask about anything in the hospital. It’s just I am the differential in just about every case – low Pulse Ox, low temperature, different thyroid levels, etc. and I have to know what is going in my body because I am not a textbook case. One price to pay for being unique.

HIPAA violations flying around outside my room like pigeon shit in Rome.

I have bruises all over my arms from IVs and needle stuff. I look battered, but there is this one cool bluey/blackey color that I wish I had a pair of shoes to match. Or a nice bra. Yeah. That’s the ticket.

Anyway, all is better. I am not contagious, I am just gross for a while. Ask my friend Anne - I am probably the worst hospital patient in all the world ever anyway, but I try to be nice about it.

For the first time in my life, my 007 skills failed me at every turn. Every time I tried to sneak down the hall – especially Monday night to watch 24 I got busted. I did manage to move my bed and rig the TV and get the bed moved back so I could watch it. I just didn’t want to spend $12 a day for basic cable. I tried to sneak off and get a shower and got busted. I got dressed and tried to go across the street for sushi and got busted. I got busted trying to use a computer last night. That was the bad bust because they busted me hiding by the trash can under the desk. I said I dropped something. But then I charmed my way into him letting me use it for 15 minutes. Anyway, I can break into a door by using a Metro Card, I can create subtle diversions and I do have that Southern sweet charm thing going on and I must say my skills failed me due to me trying to literally cover my ass in that ugly yet super-soft hospital gown, all the cords in my arm and being tired and bitchy.

And after all these years, my family still tells me nothing. When my mom got married I just happened to call and Mamaw told me she was down at the courthouse. I asked if she was paying a ticket and she said “Oh, No, Honey. She’s down there with Mark and they are getting married.” Niki didn’t tell me when she was due with Jason until after everyone else knew. I know I am a righteous chick and I say what I think, but I don’t have the energy to whip anyone’s ass right now, so why all the fear of Ricki? Kneehole, I am happy for you but what the hell? My Space? Good thing I am not mobbed up more than I am because I am getting no respect. Fucking, Fredo. “I know it was you Fredo. You broke my heart. You broke my heart!” Not that bad, but I do love you, Niki.

007 @ The Hospital

I won't be blogging this week except for this. I have been at the hospital with pneumonia and asthma and I will be here until Saturday. I have snuck out of my room and I have to go now as I have hacked into a computer and I think they are coming. Yes, i know, I am a little shit.

Shhhh . . . All is going to be well.

The Kentucky Derby, Date Bra, Cake and Ice Cream and Spider Bite(s)

I am fixing to go to the OTB (Off Track Betting) to place my bets for The Kentucky Derby. It is not fun for me to go there but I LOVE horse racing. It is filled with Greek men that stare at your tits and talk about you in a foreign language. Somebody always touches my hair. Sometimes they try to follow you home while asking if you are married and where your husband is. Once I lied and told him I was married. He asked what my husband did for a living and I proudly informed him my husband was an astronaut. He then asked me where he was and I told him he was waiting at home for me. In Bed. Nekkid. He quickly left and I was really looking forward to getting home that night as it truly was an Academy Award winning performance. The Queen is at Churchill Downs for the race. I am betting she doesn't have to put up with that bullshit.

I am only going to say this once. The Date Bra - NEVER fails.

I was dreaming of cake and ice cream last night so I am going to go home and bake one. I may make the ice cream too.

I think there is a spider in my bed. I have several bite marks. They don't hurt, but they are just weird. I have one on my cheek under my eye, one by The Girl, one on my knee and one on my hand.

The Burial, Thin Model Wanna-Be's, The 7, Stigmata, Trader Joe's, & Home Depot

Sadly, it has finally happened. I have been dreading this day for 2 years now since it began happening. I kept hoping and hoping, yet knowing all along the inevitable would happen. Last night I went to bed with my favorite t-shirt (Levi's Hard shirt with a huge hole in the front and 1,000 tiny holes in the back) and panties. When I woke up this morning, I was wearing the round neck part of the shirt and the actual t shirt was down around one of my knees. I have tried throwing it away too many times to count only to wind up retrieving it 15 minutes later. I got a new sewing kit at the $1 Store and I fear I may spend my weekend trying to mend something that cannot be fixed. So tomorrow when I am working in my garden, I am going to bury my shirt. R.I.P. Levi’s Hard Shirt - you served me well with your comfort and warmth. You will be missed, my old friend.

Yesterday my positive attitude plummeted into the depths of hell like a meteor falling from space. It started out just fine. I had to go into the city to run some errands. I left the apartment, got on the N Train, which was a new train with a whole empty car and left right after I got comfortable.

I had to transfer at Queensboro Plaza to get on the 7 Train, which I avoid at all costs for many, many reasons. It is a huge cultural difference and people are rude and cram into that car like it is rush hour in Tokyo. For reference, please read my previous blog from November entitled Almost Postal. But I needed to go to Grand Central, so there I was. So, I am on the 7, relaxing as best I can with my eyes closed. I kept feeling something on my shoulder that reminded me of a chicken carcass. I just kept trying to brush it off and felt nothing with each touch. Finally, I opened my eyes to see The Chicken Bones That Would Not Go Away to find a wanna-be model that was excruciatingly thin standing by me. As the train was flying through the tunnel under the river, her hip kept brushing up against my shoulder. I wanted nothing more than to right then and there steal the Noodle from the guy sitting next to me and hand feed it to her. I mean she was so thin that if you slapped her ass, you would walk around with stigmata hands, as I am sure her bones would pierce your palms. If we by any chance ran into battle somewhere between Queens and Manhattan, I could have picked her up and used her as a spear. I would have gladly given her $5 to go buy something fattening, but her purse was worth more than my monthly rent, so I did the right thing and did nothing.

Went to Trader Joe’s to buy various affordable organic and grocery items. They have the best damn coffee. Everything is affordable even if it is in Manhattan. I know they have them out West because Fanky used to go there when he was in Portland. I hope they open up one in Fort Worth soon.

My train was delayed in service on the way home and I was carrying no less than 50 pounds of affordable stuff. I then heard the announcement that due to a fire investigation at 14th Street – Union Square on the N and W Line, service was halted. Wow. I was at 14th Street – Union Square on the N and W Line. I did not see a fire but I was almost knocked down by 20 firemen that bolted up the stairs. Great. Even the firemen are running away from the fire. Fuck that. I have 50 pounds of affordable shit. I will wait until the fire is out. I will wait all night if I have to.

I wound up not waiting and took the 6 train to Lexington where the N and W platform overfloweth. So, I decided to go upstairs and go to Home Depot where I needed a Weed Eater sting replacement. Actually, a Toro 12" trimmer string replacement.

I will not go into details. I will say I was there for 3 hours, nobody knew dick about anything, the guy that was supposed to help guide you with directions on the store refused to tell me where customer service was and I asked him if I was in some kind of Secret Society Hall and if they were burning children somewhere in the building (he didn’t get it), there was an Asian lady that was trying to bargain for a vine like she was in a Mexican pottery market, my little toe nail fell off, some lady thought her air conditioner was more important than my replacement string and I gave her a lesson in manners, I tried Asian Lady tactic and told Home Depot Guy that I didn’t even need the whole Weed Eater; just the string – there were tears, blood, sweat, dirt, new cuss words I have never even heard of and I made up a few of my own, and at the end I have decided Home Depot will never ever get another dime from me. They have lost a lifetime customer over a $6 string, which I still do not have and nobody knows what I am talking about nor do they care.

I think everyone had a bad day yesterday. On the way to the train, Pharmacy Lady was having troubles with her car starting, Clint had a bad day at the office, I know Home Depot people had a bad day because of me, a delivery truck ran into Anne’s car at her apartment, and Clint and I both ordered food from 2 different places and both the orders were wrong and the food tasted not right.

Today, I am Sally Sunshine once again. Amazing how starting off with the perfect cup of coffee can affect things for the rest of the day.

Planning Of A Shin Dig, The Week Off, Funky Weather, Chocoholic Cake and Snails

Due to conflicting schedules and events, I am gonna have to reschedule the September shin-dig for the week prior to what it is now. That's cool. I don't care when we have it as long as we have it. So, if anyone has any objections, please contact me.

Looks like I have the week off this week, which is cool. I get to do yard work and watch movies and cook extravagantly and pet some cats. And I am fixin to have a pretty clean newly rearranged room.

For only about the 3rd time in 5 years, I saw a lightening storm in New York City. It is always so cool. I love it that I can smell the damp earth and air and there is something so humbling about seeing flashes of light and hearing the roar of thunder over this massive city. Seeing it happen over the Tri Borough Bridge near my apartment is pretty cool too.

Hey, check out this recipe: http://wigwamcookin.blogspot.com/2007/05/choco-holic-cake.html It is so awesome and really easy to make. If you like chocolate it is a must. I like to have it warm with a glass of milk with ice. Mmmmmm . . . .

I have had the ittiest bittiest teeniest tinest snails on my back porch lately. I hate to walk out there in case I kill one, but I, or they, have been lucky so far. The other day I counted 18. I mean about 30 of them could fit on a dime small. So cute.

Conversation with Ricki and Ricky (With Typos)

Ricki says:
whats going on'?

Ricky says:
i placed an ad on craigslist - trying to get someone to come pick up the abandoned chickens behind the house....

Ricky says:
and i bet i've had a hundred fucking emails

Ricky says:
crazy

Ricki says:
what?

Ricki says:
what chickens?

Ricki says:
what house?

Ricky says:
fucking shitty neighbors behind jacob's house moved out. they left their goddamn chickens....roosters. they start crowing every morning at 4am i've been sleepless for weeks

Ricky says:
dog catcher won't get them, i have to round them up

Ricki says:
bless their hearts

Ricky says:
so i placed a "come get them" ad on craigslist and i swear, every time my browser refreshes i've got 3 - 5 emails.

Ricki says:
wow

Ricky says:
apparently i need to wait till they roost, grab a sheet or a box, etc. i should have saved all the replies. people telling me to call out "chik chik chik" and everything

Ricki says:
thats funny

Ricky says:
one guy said shoot them in the eye with a bb gun or feed them antifreeze

Ricki says:
that's horrible - you are not gonna kill them are you?!?!?!

Ricky says:
no, but i've been chunkin rocks every morning and i accidentally hit one

Ricki says:
mungry

Ricky says:
for chicken

Ricki says:
i had a dream last night we were at Pappadeaux with Robert Dinero and Martin Scorsese

Ricki says:
and then the Commissioner came in

Ricki says:
me and you shared bread pussing

Ricki says:
pudding!

Ricki says:
PUDDING!

Ricky says:
i could use some pussing

Ricki says:
hush now

Ricki says:
I am trying not to laugh

Ricki says:
I sound like Mytley

Ricki says:
Muyley

Ricki says:
MUTLEY

Ricki says:
I have to go - I am choking

Ricki says:

The guy next to me is laughing like that guy from old Soul Train.

24, Morning News, Positive Thinking, Pudding Pops & Deli Cat

Only 3 more episodes of 24 left. I have seen every episode in the past 2 years and met Keifer Sutherland on Tuesday after the last show last year. I am a bit confused as to what the hell happened last night. Audrey's dad came to see her comatosed ass. I thought that guy was dead. Then he was mean to Jack. The characters are hour by hour likable and then despisable. I mean Peter McNichol was such a little nerd at the beginning and now you like him. Chad Lowe still needs his ass kicked and the Vice President was such a MF and last night I liked him and considered doing him if I had half the chance. I'm so confused. . .

The morning news show on FOX up here is so strange. I don't think the co-hosts like each other and the tension is really high. It makes me nervous to watch it.

So, I have stated I am really working on thinking more positively. Thank God, I am from Texas. This is where "Bless his heart" really comes in. When I catch myself being critical of another, I can finish my critical thought and just add on "Bless his heart." i.e. 'He has got to be the dumbest son of a bitch I have ever encountered. Bless his heart.' See? Isn't that more positive and shows a just a hint of compassion? I know, I still have a long way to go.

What ever happened to Pudding Pops? I LOVED those! Interestingly chewy, smooth and freezing cold at the same time. I think I will make some.

I have a HUGE bag of charcoal by the back door. Instead of having to carry the whole thing up the stairs every time I want to fire up the BBQ, I saved the big plastic jug that the kitlin's Deli Cat comes in and fill it with enough charcoal for that particular session and then take that outside. Whilst getting the fire going, I noticed that the charcoal was burning white hot. The 2 left in the jug morsels of Deli Cat laying on top of the coals were not. At all. Most be a great source of fiber. They love it, so if they are happy, I am happy. I now have an idea as to why I have to change the shit box so often.